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Miserable and Single
So i'm a teenage girl, and I haven't really had a boyfriend since september. I have a pretty face and pretty red hair, but I still can't find a boyfriend.
I was just rejected by 2 people in a row. I feel like I just can't win when it comes to relationships- it always ends up ending before it really begins. What I'll do is I'll plan to get together with someone on myspace (who is always a friend of a friend that i know in person- never a complete stranger) and he'll seem all interested in me- then we'll plan a date: and either I'll go and he won't call, or he'll break the date altogether.
This makes me really really sad and depressed. And I don't know why- but I am not capable of feeling truly happy while being single. I'm actually on the verge of suicide every time I'm single and feeling unloved. I don't really have any friends- at least none that I ever get to see outside of school (exept for talking online). I'll admit- I'm homeschooled and my life really exists only on the internet.
When I go out in public I feel weird- like the only real person in a world full of cartoon people (if that makes sense).
People say I always look depressed all the time, and it's because I am. But I can't really control my facial expression- it's just the way it is. Whenever I try really hard not to show that I'm depressed and I'm smiling- people give me weird looks.
I don't like my life, and I really don't know what's wrong with me.
Why is it that nothing makes me happy unless I'm in a relationship?
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You're just lonely. Find yourself some friends. Although you're homeschooled, it shouldn't be hard. I'm sure there are kids your age who live in your town or your neighborhood that you could be friends with.
Don't kill yourself because of being single. It's not worth it. I don't know how old you are, but boys are not everything, and you need to realize that. The sooner you do, the better.
Don't let this get you down. You're just giving yourself a stupid reason for sadness. You shouldn't let this bother you. There is nothing wrong with being single. Look at it this way, there is no one to piss you off, no one to get mad when you do things you wanna do, and no one to hold you back.
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I'm sorry you've been having some bad luck with guys but it happens to us all (well, notme coz I'm a guy but with me it happens with girls but I think you know what I mean).
I can understand how most of your frends are online because mine used to be for a very long time as well until my accident when I wasn't able to get online. After that I made friends outside of the internet as well so I've got a nice balance now. I don't go to school or anything like that so Ican't really make any new friends through that way but I do get out as often as I can and there's always opportunities there for new friends or at the very least just to be able to get to know some new people (something I like doing).
What you had said about feeling weird in public and around people - I used to feel like that ALL the time and sometimes I still very much do, it's very strange and I know totally how you feel. Sometimes I even found myself just sitting in a corner and watching people and thinking and wondering but I won't get into all that here. :|
First things first though don't let what happen with those other two guys get you down. Things like that happen in relationships (or when trying to form relationships), there's always that risk. Just don't let it bring your hopes down. At the end of the day it was those guys' loss. They had the chance to be with someone like you and they screwed it up, what fools. :] Others will come but you need to be patient. If you start to get desporate then you will just attract assholes and the last thing I like seeing is someone really nice ending up with someone they can do a lot better than.
Being homeschooled as well means you don't have much contact with people which is not good so I think you should try and get out some more. There must be places you can go to around where you live that you can hang out at and hpefully in the process make some new friends? It was pretty much what I had done to start with. Certainly don't feel unloved or alone because I can assure you that's never the case even though sometimes it feels like it's how it is.
As for people who give you weird looks - to hell with them as well. Just be you but do bare in mind when you feel negative you will give off negative 'vibes' so it will make people less willing to try and talk to you and such because the impression they will get is that you dont want anyone to talk to you. Smile, as you said you do - be friendly (which you come across as are anyway) and just be yourself and pretty soon you'll have more guys wanting you than you can handle. :D Just try not to bring yourself down becuase you're along. I've been alone for just over 2 years now and I really miss the whole being in a relationship and having someone to cuddle up to and go to the movies with and such - just little things like that which I miss. And sometimes it does get me down too but I don't let these things hold me down because I know it won't remain this way. Just have sme faith. :]
There's nothing wrong with you either unless you feel that depression is really starting to get the better of you in which case it might be worthwhile talking to your doctor about it since depression can be a destructive thing. Other than that my only guess with you needing a relationship to feel happy is because of what everyone seeks - companionship; acceptance of who you are. Those things will come though, don't worry.
If you ever need to chat then I know it's only a friend on the net (again) but I'm here anytime. :]
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