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1st time losing a friend.... KINDA LONG
i used to be pretty good friends with this girl i met this year, and then we got in a fight, and i havent really talked to her in the past month, though we're in a couple of the same classes.
its a long story, but i'll just say a little. like i guess we clicked because we were both in the school's musical, and our characters were together alot. so we became friends, and once we had a little fight, then we became friends again, and we never spoke of the fight again.
then, like we sit in the same table for Health, with 3 other girls. Then soon after health started, and the last marking period (im in 7th grade in middle school btw) she's been acting strange around me. she's like making it seem like im not part of the group and acting like its a joke.. and im like "im part of your group" and shes like "no you arent" and stuff.
i didnt get why she didnt want to be friends with me anymore, because it was so sudden. also, i didnt know how to handle it because i've never lost a friend before like that. usually i lose some friends because i dont see them much anymore, but i hardly ever got in to fights with my friends. i was distressed about this, which caused me to get poor grades on two tests i had after talking to her, and her getting to me.
i know i shouldnt care so much about it.. but i guess its the past now, and i cant change it. and I can forgive easily, but i dont forget. anyways, the main problem is that in health, i dont really wanna sit at that table anymore. i only sat there for that girl, and also another girl (lets call her Jane) who was also in the musical with me, and who i hung around with at alot gym for the 2nd marking period. I thought we were really good friends, but it seems like we're drifting apart.
I'm mad, because that girl who i thought i was friends with (to make it less confusing, lets call her Susie) seems to be malipunating(SP?) Jane and the 2 other girls at my table, to not like me. Two of them I was already not friends with, but before the fight i was okay with them. one of them was like a social outcast before, and i was generally nice to her, but now she's being accepted by the people at my health table, and i seem to become the outcast.
like i've already said, i felt real bad about it. like we have group projects where we talk about stuff, and Susie is like the "boss" and the other girls listen to her, and when i say something else, they act all mean and dont want to listen to my opinion.
I asked Susie why she was mad at me, she wouldnt tell me, so I asked one of my friends to ask her, and she said that I kept hanging around her, and interrupting her when she talked to other people. Okay first of all, i didnt hang around her all the time, and when i did, its because i thought i was her friend, and when you see your friend, you dont just ignore them, you go over there and talk to them! and for the second part, its a bad habit of mine, but she should have told me before.. she never mentioned it, so i never really noticed. my other friends just accept that im like that, though im also trying to change it so its not too rude, since i am kinda impatient.
so then at the table, after sitting there during the last 5 mintues where we were allowed to talk freely, quietly, and seeing as the other people at my health table giggled and talked, I asked her if she wanted me to sit at that table. She said no. I asked the other girls, and they said they didnt care.. even Jane! They said that they were just gonna agree with what Susie said! I cant believe that.
so then i asked my other friend at a different health table if i could sit with them, and she immediately said it was okay. but the next day i felt kinda weird at just leaving the table.. i wanted to, but i wasnt ready. i didnt just want to join the table and then the other girls be like "why is she sitting there?" i mean, im generally friends with them, but they're kinda more popular than i am. not that im like terribly lacking self esteem or anything, its basically a fact, and im not THAT spontaneous to just do that without thinking.. (though i do speak before i think sometimes, thats different).
so then i asked another girl i was friends with at that other table if i could sit there, and i told her that i wasn't friends with Susie anymore, and she said it was okay too, since it was a free country and all. so then the next health day i took the risk and sat there. There are 4 seats at that table, but normally 6 people sit there, since 2 other people add chairs to the side. Adding me, that's seven. i thought there may not be enough room but one of the girls sat at a diff table. i thought it was because of me, but my friend at that table said that she was in a little fight with one of her friends. (atlease she made up with her!)
when the other girls from my previous table came to class, they asked if i was gonna sit with them, and im like "Not today!", and that was that. i didnt even glance over to that table even though i wanted to see Susie's expression.
anyways, do you think i should continue to sit at my "new health table" for the rest of the marking period? i really want to, because the girls are funny and i'll actually enjoy sitting there than my other place. but.. like.. do you think they'll find it weird if i start to sit there everyday? or should i just screw the possibilities and sit there anyways? and should i make friends with Susie again?
like this is another thing that happened. i was sick and going to the nurse during spanish class, and I asked one of my friends, who's also friends with Susie (they were walking together to spanish, like always), if she could tell the teacher that i will be at the nurse's office. While I was saying this, Susie was like "NO, NO, NO, NO, NO" repeatedly, with a little grin on her face as she said this. I said "i wasnt talking to you" very professional, and my other friend said she would.
however, we had a field trip to go to some place, and i talked to that friend of Susie's & Me again, and they were partners for that trip, and all of a sudden Susie started talking to me. im like.. what the heck? how could she forget what happened before? i just played it cool and acted like myself though, and not like "HOW COULD YOU ACT LIKE THIS WHEN YOU DIDNT EVEN SAY SORRY ABOUT BEFORE!".
i dont even know if i should say sorry or if she should. or should we both? she hurt my feelings.. im not sure if i hurt hers and i kinda dont care.. i hope she doesnt feel the same about me. but if she doesnt apologize i dont think i can fully be her friend again.. should i even bother?
should i sit at that seat for the marking period in health? should i try to be friends with Jane again (I really liked being her friend before)? And please say other things that can help me.. just be happier!
i mean im normally a happy, energetic person, or i just keep things bottled up inside me all the time, so it seems like it. how can i also make myself less shy, and more like self assured?
Gosh you guys are saviors. whenever i have a problem i dont know how to fix, i always think of asking my mom, or advicenators for help. i love this site.
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Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
Whoa, you have an exciting, dramatic life. And a long one! With that said:
No. You shouldn't bother. If Susie doesn't wanna be friends with you anymore, then there is nothing you can do to change her mind. And why would you wanna be friends with her again? She's bitchy, rude & mean. If she didn't wanna be friends with you anymore, she should've just told you instead of ignoring you that way.
Don't say sorry. What do you have to be sorry for? She is the one who ditched you, turned people against you, purposely didn't include you, & couldn't even say things to your face. You did nothing but try to find out what the hell was going on. You were the one who tried to fix things & get your friends back. You were the one who tried to make things work.
Also, don't be friends with Jane again. If Jane is gonna go along with whatever Susie says, then she's just as shallow & stupid as Susie is. Why wold you wanna be friends with someone like that? Honestly, forget them both. Sit with your new table, become their friends & just be happy. You're so much better off without Susie & all those other girls. Trust me when I tell you that.
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Oh wow. This has got to be the longest question I've ever answered.
Number one. If I were you, NO, I won't say sorrie to her. No way I'd say that. Wat the hell she's a slut. She enjoys feeding on people's sadness. She enjoys seeing you down and out, and friendless.
Let her be the one to apologise to you. You didnt do anything wrong. You're too nice for your own good. I can tell you, the moment you apologise to her, she's gonna walk all over you again. I've seen too many of these people.
You're enjoying yourself with the new group of friends from the new table. Stick with them. They're fun to be with, they're nice to you, they accepted you knowing you're down and out.
The old table, on the other hand, ditched you and still got the nerve to ask you if you're gonna sit with them. It shows that they enjoy putting you out. Why are they even asking you to join them when they are treating you like an outcast? Apparently they enjoy seeing people look pathetic.
Go with the new table. At least you know they won't backstab you and turn against you like how susie and all did.
Yes, you like Jane a lot and you wish to befriend her again, but what did she do to you? She turned against you for susie. She can do it to you again. Once a leopard always a leopard. That mean streak will always remain in those group of girls. That's my belief. I always believe that a leopard never changes its spots.
The old table of friends are good as acquaintances but not as confidantes. They're good for having fun and that's all. These group of people are afraid of confident people. Once they see you're weak, they catch on to it and hammer you right down.
And they're the type where the more attention you want from them, the more you won't get it. Let them come to you. You go ahead and work on your new table of frens. They sound like the type I'd rather hang out with. Don't care if the other old table is popular. They aren't worth hankering after. They will only make you miserable.
Once you mix around with the right group of people, you'd naturally be less shy and more self assured. Making yourself less shy doesn't just depend on yourself, it depends on the group of friends you hang out with and how much trust they deserve from you.
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