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Life. School. Friends. Confidence.(or lack there of) & Trust
Hi, i'm 14 years old, female.
this one's reaaallly long. just to let you know in advance.
i used to go to a small middle school. everyone there has known eachother forever and everyone was very cliquey and i had a good amount of friends, but a group of "popular" girls completely despised me. i never knew why. my friends said it was because they were jealous of me but i really have no idea. i don't see whats to be jealous of. but anyways, they hated me and made my life hell. i managed to be friends with all the "popular" guys though, without being a slut. and dated a few of them. (maybe thats why the girls didn't like me?)but there were always rumors about me that those girls had started. so a couple guys i dated thought i was a slut. and that's why they were with me. i really liked them a lot and got hurt pretty badly a few times. it was odd too, because usually i'm really good at reading people and sensing out what's on their mind. i think sometimes though, i let what i want to sense get in the way of what i really sense. i used to give everyone the benefit of the doubt, not because i was really that gullible but because i wanted to believe them. ever since those failed relationships, i've had a lot of trust issues.
this year however, i'm at a new school (we moved across the country for my dad's job) and i LOVE my school. it's HUGE (like 600 kids per grade) and i'm friends with almost everyone in my grade. i get invited to every party, i always have tons of weekend plans, i don't have any enemies, and a lot of guys like like me. a few girls i'm friends with described me as "that girl you hate out of jealousy until she wins you over. then you're still jealous of her, but love her too much to care"
it's the weirdest thing ever.
people are always saying i'm 'gorgeous' or 'perfect'. i'm not either. at all.
i hate the way i look most days. i'd say i'm average at best. i don't see whats so great about my personality either. i guess i'm a good listener? idk i just try to be nice to people and pretend i don't care what anyone thinks about me.
i care what they think. so much. too much. it's not healthy. and even though i don't have any enemies here, those girls from my old school practically stalk my myspace and like call my cell phone and IM me all the time just to be mean. i've only told my bbf how much what they say hurts me.(bbf = boy best friend)when the girls are talking to me i just outwit them and pretend i find their pathetic attempts to bring me down amusing-- like i know i should.
so yeah there's that issue with those girls and then there's the fact that i don't trust anyone. the lack of trust thing i think has lead to me feeling lonely.. because i never let anyone in all the way. i hate that i always silently question anything anyone tells me.
no matter how many friends i have, no matter where i am, i always feel alone. always. and i know i shouldn't, because these people are REALLY there for me.. only i won't let them be.
i'm so afraid to get hurt again.
ok so now that you have the background information [I TOLD YOU THIS WAS LONG ;]here's my current situation:
i'm determined to prove to myself that i can be in a good relationship that actually means something. therefor, i want a boyfriend- SOO badly. i've dated only one guy at my new school and he cheated on me. it was in the beginning of the year before i had so many friends. and yet, i still reaally want a boyfriend. my biggest problem with that though is that i don't know how my lack of trust will affect the relationship. i really want to be able to trust someone. anyone. people tell me things like "you could have any guy you want" but that's not true. i've liked plenty of guys i couldn't have.
i just want a nice boy who really cares about me. that's all. !@#$%ing middle school relationships.
but anyways, theres this guy i have a crush on now and i think he's genuinely a nice guy. he could totally be a player if he wanted to be but he's not, at all. my bbf is pretty protective of me, and he said he'd approve if i wanted to date my crush. so that's a good sign. and it seems like the guy feels the same way about me.
just one problem with that, he has a girlfriend. but she's breaking up with him soon. and i think he knows it. and doesn't care.
ok so if anyone has any opinions or advice on any of the essay-length "question" i just typed in here, i would greatly appreciate it.
thanks y'all (:
<33
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Work/School Relationships?
First, block those girls from your old school that are being mean to you. There's no reason for you to have to listen to their stupidity. If they call, don't answer and delete their messages without listening to them. They'll stop calling eventually.
You seem like such a great person. You're really nice and humble too. Your situation at school now seems really good. I know how it feels when people say all this great stuff about you when you know that you're not THAT amazing. This will pass once you're out of high school. Don't worry about it for now. If people want to be nice let them. It's not like you're letting it get to your head or anything. :)
Next, it's completely normal to want a boyfriend as bad as you do, but don't let a boyfriend, or the lack of one, define who you are. It seems like you view your whole life as being worse than it is because you don't have a boyfriend. Just relax. Want a boyfriend, don't need one.
As for the guy that you like, let it be known that you like him now, before he breaks up with his girlfriend. That way you won't have to worry about a different girl catching his eye before you get the chance. Then, wait for the breakup before you do anything more. Don't act any differently around him than you have. A good strategy though, would be to always be there. Don't stalk him or anything, but make it a point to walk down a hallway that you know he is going to be walking down too. It'll keep you on his mind if he sees you all the time and heard that you like him. After a week or so, start talking to him more, but don't do too much too quickly. You don't want to seem desperate and he still has feelings for his last girlfriend that he'll have to get over at least a little bit before dating again. Basically, put yourself out there and wait for him to make a move.
It seems like you have a pretty nice life. It's normal to feel alone when you're a teenager. Those feelings will pass. Feeling alone is much different from actually being alone. You're really lucky that you have so many people around you that like you even if they do go a little overboard with it. As you grow, even though some friendships will fade, the ones that you keep will get stronger and deeper.
If you take one thing away from my advice, please cut off communication with the mean girls from your old school. There was a group of girls that used to be mean to me all the time too and once I started avoiding them, things got a lot better for me. It will feel really good to block them. Good luck. :)
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definitely get a new my space account. You're across the country so those bitches at your old school will never find you again. It's time to move on.
If you don't feel you can trust, you're not ready for a relationship, if you are having fun and doing things with your new friends why do you think you need a boyfriend anyway? Just have fun and let things happen and if your crush does break up with his current girl, then flirt with him and see what happens and TAKE IT SLOWLY. Trust is something that should be earned anyway and it takes time for that to develope.
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=) i heart long questions. here goes my answer.
Hon, if you don't let anyone close to you...how will you get hurt? You're in a new place now. Move on. Create a new myspace account. Ignore the other girls. It's a fresh start for you and it looks to me like you can get any guy you want!
Sweety, don't let the past build your future...Past has passed. Leave it alone. Look at it and laugh, giggle, smirk. But never let it to bring you down or cry.
One thing though: after your crush is dumped, give him some time then give him hints and stuff. He might need some time alone even if he starts acting all manly and not hurt...we're all like that =).
I hope I helped.
Kay.
Stay strong!
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