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Unrequited love.....that keeps coming back...
(I'm 14 years old, and a girl)
Alright.....I've had this problem for about a year now, and it's been the same the whole time...I love Hayden. I'm not talking crush, or infatuation, or lust, I am 100% sure that this is love. The only problem is, I've loved him for almost a year, and we just don't have a chance. I met him last year, in 8th grade science, when we got put at a lab table together. We became friends quickly, as we both HATED science, we enjoyed doodling during the videos we were shown, where we would sit in the back of the room and add our own details to each others pictures, we were both in choir, and many other things.
I'm not really sure when I started liking him, it just kinda happened. The earliest that I can remember liking him was the choir Chicago trip, where we basically spent a whole week together. Not long after, we decided to do the end of the year science project together, resulting in us having to spend time together working out of school. We went to Cedar Point for a choir trip, where I spend the entire day with him, talking, walking, waiting in lines for rides together, all that fun stuff. For a while, it seemed like I might have a chance with him. School ended mid-June, and a couple days into summer break, he called me and invited me to his house for a party. Basically, to sum up the day, it ended with us spendin the whole day swimming in his pond with 4 other people, 3 other girls, and another guy. While we were there, Taylor, one of the girls, decided she liked him...Taylor is VERY persuasive, and used her body to her advantage...long story short...2 days later they were dating. That day was the last day I saw Hayden during the summer. Then...high school started. I had decided that I was finally over Hayden, but I was secretly wishing that we would have a class together. I made it through all my classes except for the last one with no sight of him...and I was talking to one of my friends when he suddenly appeared behind me, grabbed my shoulders, and shouted my name happily. I knew from that moment that I was is deep trouble. After that day, things just kind of went crazy. I danced with him at Homecoming, decided at Christmas that I didn't want to love him anymore, gave him a letter that told him that I had finally moved on, and that I was happy to be his friend, went out with another person, got dumped, and then....two days ago, I had a party. I invited him and 7 other people, and I had a BLAST. Now see, something that hasn't come up yet is this small problem. Hayden has a best friend, Anthony. Anthony loves me, and Anthony knows I love Hayden. Basically, at this party, it just hit me....I knew I still loved Hayden, and I knew that I never really stopped, I only wanted to keep myself from thinking I did. Now, it would seem like this was already pretty bad...but no. Our school is splitting up next year, and Hayden and Anthony are going to the new high school, while I remain at the old. I want to stop loving Hayden, because in my heart, I know that nothing will ever happen between us past friendship, no matter how much hope I still have. I know that really, the only thing that will stop me from loving him more is if we just kind of separate...for good...but I know that not being able to spend time with him, even as friends, would kill me. My heart literally aches whenever I think of not being able to see him, and it aches still when I think of not having him love me back. I don't know what I should do, and I don't know what he wants to do. I know that I want to keep in contact with him, I want to keep being friends even though we don't go to school together, but for all I know, he couldn't care less if he didn't see me. We're good friends, we talk in class all the time (pisses the teacher off to no end), I see him before school, but we never talk on the phone, or really hang out after school. If I were to ask if we could make plans, he would do it, but he has never really been the one to plan things. He does have a busy life, play practice until 5:30 every day, and he works from 5:30-8 (yes, its pathetic that I know this), but I just don't know anymore. I just wish that I could stop loving him without losing him...but I'm not sure it's possible. Please help me...I just want to give up.
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Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
I had a thing like this in high school, and boy was it rough.
I fell in love with my friend Calvin. We hung out together all the time, did extra-curriculars together, and I introduced him to my friends. One of them used her body to her advantage (just like yours!) and ended up going out with him even though she knew I really liked him. I spent days crying because I felt ugly and unwanted, but it's only with the benefit of hindsight that I see that if I had actually been successful in pursuing him, I would have ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Pretty much, my advice is for you to keep loving him... but as a friend. You've already done the right thing by letting him know that you're over him. Just keep hanging out with him, keep having fun with him, because it sounds like your friendship is too good to give up on. Anyways, just because he's going to a different school doesn't mean you can't spend time with him. There's always the weekend.
There will be other boys and other loves... give that Anthony guy a try; you never know where you'll find love!
:)
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