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Histrionic Personality Disorder
On my last visit, which was the second visit to my new therapist's office she said I was using histrionics and that what I needed to learn how to do in my relationships is be honest. I've been dramatizing and overexaggerating for so long, I'd not thought about the possibility of my not telling the complete truth to therapists. Anyway, I'm feeling like when I talk about it to my new boyfriend, I'm being dramatic or if I cry. I don't even want to emote at all anymore. I'm ashamed of my behavior, needing to manipulate men, needing to be the prettiest, the center of attention. But when I think about not doing that anymore, about talking to him in an unscripted sort of way, I become very anxious. I almost and sometimes will have a panic attack. Its as if this histrionic state of mind is just the way my mind is set up to work and communicate. I never seem to be living in the present moment because I'm constantly thinking about the next moment, or the current mind game I'd be playing. I miss out on feeling the real things because I'm such a fake ass. I feel like I'm in a hopeless situation because on these websites the doctors say there's no medication you can take for this- that therapy is difficult, there's not a whole lot a person can do for themselves. I don't want to be this way. Does anyone have any suggestions who knows anything about this disorder? I want so much to be mellow and laid back, happy with myself and independent. I don't want to be needy. My boyfriend knows of my manipulative and exaggerative ways, I'm afraid now that he will think everything I say is stretched. That I'm always trying to play him. I know there's no instant cure or even a cure at all really, but what CAN i do? Is it too late for my relationship? He said he trusted me, but can he now? I've never outright lied to him. Just over exaggerated. I feel so fake and ignorant and hopeless.
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I'd suggest you stop beating yourself up, first of all. For one thing, this isn't all your fault, and for another feeling down on yourself can easily make this condition worse, or at least it has for me. When you learn to accept yourself and feel happier about who you are, it's a little easier to take things unscripted and natural, and life is a lot more fun. However, this isn't easy... healing is never very easy. Just start small, by thinking a few good things about yourself that you know, and then try to find out a few more. If you can get to know and like yourself it'll be easier to see that other people can get to know you and like you too. I know it's scary, but your boyfriend obviously sees things in you that he likes--try to follow his example :) You can get better, and you deserve to. Good luck.
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i cant totally help you but, think about it you know the problem you know what you feel you should be the problem is getting there. You look at it as you do your problem. If you want to lay back then lay back. You see i have the opposite problem im always laid back dont think the next step you know what i could not find a way out. Trust me there is. You say you need to be the prettiest the dont you know the problem dont. I know what your thinking its not that easy well duh its not that easy of it was then you would not have posted this. If he says he trust you then trust him sure people screw people all the time but we need to trust so we can find that trustworthy person. ps i always overexagerate learn when the irght time is for that.
if you need to talk i dont know how this site works my aim is lokatme321if you dont have aim i dont know if there is a way you can send me a message
but hey good luck
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