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stupid fightss
okay so i have a boyfriend of about 9 months now and i love him so much.. it's just sometimes he annoys me and we get into stupid little fights..i have a problem with like over thinking things, or sometimes i let things get to me that shouldn't. does anyone have any advice as to how i can just let things go and be more carefree about things? and also is this normal? like do couples get into little stupid fights? just let me know! thank youu
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A lot of people, especially women, have this problem including myself. If it's an issue now, it'll happen with this guy for as long as you stay with him. It's the way you are and it's the way he is, which, in all likelihood, is never going to change. There is hope though. A lot of hope. Just because it's happening doesn't mean that it has to be an issue. I've gotten to the point in my current relationship where we've gotten past trying to put up with each other and have begun pointing out each others' faults. I now know what annoys him about me and he knows what annoys me about him. This has obviously caused problems especially since we expect each other to try to change after our faults are known to us. Every time we do something annoying it gets worse and we have the same arguements over and over. When we argue, along with my overreacting, he has an "I'm always right" attitude and won't let things go until I shut up. We feed off of each others emotions too. The more upset I get, the more upset he gets and vice versa. We are both insanely stubborn. Bad, bad, bad. All this makes the arguements that we have go on for hours after they need to. I'm not saying it's entirely my fault, it's not. It takes two to argue. However, we've found a way to try to curb everything and things have gotten much better between us. We're not curbing things to a positive direction, but to a calmer direction. If we can both calm down, the arguements become mature conversations, which is what you want to aim for. I've recently noticed about myself that when I ge worked up about something, if someone can get me to laugh I'm all cured, I realize what I'm doing, and I stop. It's hard to get me to laugh when I'm mad, only my immediate family and childhood friends have it down to a science, but I'm teaching my fiance how to do it too. We aren't trying to change each other, we're trying to learn how to deal with each other the right way. We're teaching each other how to treat each other as if we were family. You've been with your family and close friends much longer than 9 months, yet you are attempting to be even closer than you are to them to someone that you don't know that much about being around yet. It makes a lot of sense that you'd have some problems. THe one thing you should keep in mind is that you can't apply the golden rule here. He can't treat you how he would want to be treated. You're totally different people. He should treat you how YOU want to be treated and vice versa, of course. Arguements happen. Arguements are healthy. If you stop argueing altogether, you'll have a really fake, awkward relationship and you won't be able to grow. So, my advice for you is to find something that can help you in your relationship like my fiance and I have found in ours. Think about how arguements are diffused between you and your family members and have him do the same. Then, work together to try to come up with an easy way to keep things calm that will work for the both of you. This will take time, a lot of patience, and a lot of work, but it will help a lot. This guy is worth it though, right? Remember that, as unrealistic and often impossible as can be, honesty and openness in the first place helps more than anything. Good luck. :)
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YES THEY DAMN WELL DO!!
i am, EXACTLY the same as you. i over think EVERYHITNG..i think too much..that it sometimes CAUSES the stupid fights.
the only way to resolve this is to talk to one another it.
(without sounding like an insaine psychologist:)do you feel you need to be constantly reassured..or you have trust issues?
this may be why.
i know i do..which isnt good.
at least youve aknowlegded this..well done :)
i feel my boyfiend of a year and a half will get back with his ex...of 6 months maximum! its 90% likely he wont...but i convince myself he will..because im stupid like that.and im neurotic (creating probs that dont exist...a result of too much thinking..again!)
however, i tell myself that if he didnt love you, he wouldnt be here for you. "so quit your whining" hehehe
now that you understand how you feel, take action...take a deep breath before speaking out loud, and calmly tell him what you feel, and how you think you over think :)
if he loves you, the least he could do is try to understand. :)
it will be hard, but you can do it :)
good luck:)
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All couples get into stupid fights, trust me. If he says something that makes you mad, don't fight with him, just let it slide. Because little things are avoidable ones, so fights can usually be avoided, and should be. Although, they are healthy for the relationship. Anyways, just let them slide, or talk them out in a calm manner. If you do that, the fights are less likely to occur. Or at least that's what I learned from my own personal experience. =) Good luck!
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