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my dad and me
Warning long
I've had a question like this before but I have more questions though. I am a christian so is my mom but my dad dosn't believe in God. I want to go to a christian college when I get older and he dosn't want me to because he thinks I'm gonna be a pastors wife and my husband would hate him because he drinks and all thats stuff because its a sin. I can't believe he would think that they would hate him because of that.
#2 I have been trying real hard to do my work and stuff like that but my dad just keeps putting me and down and not supporting me on what my choices are for my life. He is focusing on what I'm doing wrong and not what I'm actually trying to do.
He is putting me down on my work and my religion. And it feels as though my mom is the only one there who understands my life. I've tried talking to him it dosn't help at all he is very strict. I remember when he was so fun and there were no problems at all between us. Please help!
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Your dad may be going through some hard times. (Possibly a mid life crisis, if he's around the 40's.) Maybe you should pay attention to him for a while, and see if you can figure out what's bothering him so much. Chances are, that it has NOTHING to do with you. Alot of men, especially dads, are like that. They get angry at something, or someone, and then they take their anger out on other people, even their own child. My dad is like that too. Perhaps he's scared of losing you- maybe he'll feel like he's going to be all alone once you go to college. (especially if your parents are divorced, and he's not married.)
I know what you mean when you say that talking to him may not work. It doesn't really work with my dad either. Talking works pretty well with moms, but dads are so much different. My best advice for your situation is just to stay calm, and let your dad be angry for a while. When my dad gets mad, I usually ignore him for a while until he cools down. Once he cools down, I try to act nice to him.
You talked about remembering having fun with your dad, I remember having fun with my dad too. It's very sad when relationships drift apart like that, but here's why: Dads want their daughters to be their little girls forever. So it may be hard for your dad to accept all of this change that's going on in your life right now. Instead of talking to him about it, try planning a fun activity for you and your dad. Think back to when you were younger. What did you and your dad like to do? What brings back good memories? Sugguest that you two do something that you used to love to do- like going to the movies or going out for ice cream. When you're there, you can talk about all the good times. (Example: "Dad, remember when we used to go to the movies when I was little and I always got sick from eating so much candy?") Try to remind him of the good times. This might help strengthen your relationship with your father, so that later in life, it may be easier to talk to him, and he may be a little less harsh on you.
Remember, that your life is YOUR life. You should make the choices about college, not your dad. If he brings up the subject of college again, just say, "It's my choice dad, and it's not up for negotiation."
If all else fails, breaking out into a tantrum and screaming "Why don't you love me dad?! You're a bad father!" might bring him to the realization of how mean he is being. But remember, this is the last thing you do, if nothing else is working. Hope I helped!
P.S. - Do not try talking to your dad when he's drinking or drunk. Try to avoid him when he is. If he hurts you in any physical way, tell your Mom, because that's abuse and he may need serious help immediately.
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if you really want to go to christian college then you should go ... after all it is YOUR life your father will understand if this is truly what you want to do...
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This is only my personal opinion, but it sounds as though your Dad is frightened of something. The way you describe his attitude sounds like he is trying to make life as awkward as possible for you in order that whatever is making his life miserable, will stay hidden. I can only suggest that you continue to study and strive for your own goals and just turn to your Mum for support.
If he was once a fun person, something must have happened to turn him into a sad man. Maybe his drinking has got out of control and he can see no way out of it.
These are not your problems and, although you may feel the need to, you cannot help him at the moment. You need to concentrate on getting your life in order. If he continues to put you down and focusing on what you are doing wrong, as a Christian you need to turn the other cheek. Continue being a good daughter to him, be pleasant and happy and maybe he will eventually see that the path you have chosen is a good one.
I hope that I have been able to help a little. I wish you all the very best.
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