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No reason to Live
I have no friends. It would be impossible to try and tell me to "try and make some friends." Because I've been trying for years. I've been part of so many groups of friends, but sooner or later they've done something horrible to me, so I change groups of friends. Now, there is noone left in the school that I haven't tried to be friends with. I hate Lunch. Because I'm thin, the people at my table call me anorexic. And I just find people in general, EVERYONE is annoying to me. So lately I've been eating in the bathroom because thats how much I hate everyone. I also eat in the bathroom and skip my classes and sit in the bathroom because somehow, in every single one of my classes, I sit next to someone who's sick, and I don't want to get sick because a.) whowants to be sick? b.) my mom won't let me stay home if I get sick and c.) I can't work out.
But thats only half of my problem. Today I came home and I started to talk to my mom about my problems at school, like usual. But then she flipped out and yelled, "Stop complaining! Maybe you should just kill yourself because thats the only solution!" And THEN she took away the thing I love most- my exercise bike. She said that I can only work out 1 hour a day every OTHER day. (For no apparent reason.) It may sound weird, but I love to work out. I live for it. It gives me self confidence, and its one of my only hobbies.
I have been depressed, and I've thought of killing myself before. But now that my mom actually sugguested that I should kill myself, it makes me feel even worse. Especially since I'm being punished (exercise bike being taken away) just for being depressed. Is there any advice you can give me to help me make it through?
P.S. Do not sugguest that I see a therapist, or I will rate you a 1. My mom would probably hit me across the face and ground me for 10 years if I even mentioned the idea of getting professional help. Also we can't afford it.
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Maybe give some free advice about: Mental health?
Well, about not affording a therepist, you can get it through your healthcare provider for free. But anyways, You dont want to hear this, but it sounds like your attitude is bringing you down. you said " everyone at my school is annoying" well, personally I wouldnt want to be friends with someone that thought I was annoying. You have to calm down about the sickness. If you are concerned,bring hand sanitizer and wash your hands frequently. Also if you feel a cold coming on you can take zicam to help prevent it. I understand you love working out, so do i. But working out everyday isnt healthy, your muscles need time to relax. It will be hard, but try to change your perspective and attitude on school. You cant blame everyone else for you not having friends. People dont want to be friends with someone that is extremely negitive. Eating in the bathroom to show how much you "hate everyone" only makes people ether a. not notice you exist or b. think your a negitive unsocial person. Try to open up, I understand you have been hurt in the past, but you cant let that bring you down, by doing that you are letting them win.
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www.kidscrisis.com [sp on crisis ?] go to chat w. a counselor they can help. and you dont have to pay OR seem them weekly or anything - i used to go there all the time++have a reg. counselor
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Oh wow, that's just cruel for her to even say that. If you have any other siblings, or another adult you know and trust, try talking to them. I wouldn't want to see a therapist either, so i know how you feel on that matter, so try talking to a school counselor. You may feel embarassed, but once you talk to someone, you`ll feel a lot better. Try going to school with a positive attitude, so people won't bring you down as much. I`ve been depressed a lot lately, and I've turned to writing my thoughts,feelings, and ideas in a blog or a diary. It helps get things off your chest so they won't stay bottled up inside. I don't know you, but killing yourself is not an option. I used to think he was, but even though your mom yelled at you, maybe she's stressed lately, so give her a second chance. I really hope things get better. I`m here if you need someone, and I`m sorry if I didn't help. <3
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