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sad all the time
15/f
recently i feel like no matter what i do, life screws me over. my one friend got mad at me for drinking, so i stopped; but she still doesnt talk to me. my best friend that i used to do that stuff with now only hangs around her new friend, and my oldest friend is now suicidal, anorexic, and bi- which i don't care about but it sometimes makes me uncomfortable. i have other friends at school, but i'm not as close with them ... like i wouldn't make plans with them on the weekends. so now i basically stay in every weekend and get more unhappy. i tried concentrating on schoolwork harder, but its just gotten me more stressed out than i was before. i have also tried looking forward to events that i had planned before, like my sweet 16, but now that my social life is such a much i don't even want to have that. to top it all of, the anniverisary of my cousin's death is coming up which makes me even more sad. i act happy in school and i still try hard and i try to make the right choices, but my life turns out like this- why bother? i feel like transferring schools or something, but this isn't an option... ANY hints on how to feel better/fix my social life? thanks :/
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Wow. I can't even describe how I feel right now. This must be so hard for you. I honestly do not know what I would do with out Saturday night out with friends.
I think that it is very important for you to either build up the friendships you have started and find people to hang out with Saturday nights or make some new friends. I'll be honest, it wont be easy. But we can work this out. Trust me okay? It looks like you've been through a lot of tough stuff lately. But we'll figure out a way to fix this up a bit.
First dealing with the friend. I'm proud of you for stopping drinking. Because drinking is a depressant, and it makes had situations worse. So whether you get through all of this or not, please keep sober okay? Now to deal with the friend. When you're a teenager, you love conflict (I know because I'm the same age as you) and you want to do whatever it takes to fight with someone. So what you need to do is become a big person and apologize. I don't care if you think you did anything wrong or not. If you write her a letter of apology and tell her you made mistakes but you hope she can forgive you, she just might. If not, then think of it this way, she cant accept you for who you are and you aren't perfect but she expects you to be, so you don't need a friend like her who is always bringing you down right?
Now the friend who ditched you for her new best friend. Tell her that you are really sorry that she doesn't want to hang out with you anymore, and that you wish your friendship could last, but you are sober now, so if she doesn't want to be friends with someone who is trying to take control of her life, then it's her loss. You don't need someone who will tempt you with drinks, or who knows what else as she gets older. But if she still wants to be friends, then that's good, she may not invite you over all the time, but she's still your friend and she'll still be around the corner when you need to talk right?
Now the last friend, she sounds like she's going though some tough stuff right now as well, and I think that the last thing you should do is get the hell out of there, because it will hurt her more. I'm sure she's lost so many friends lately, so if there's only one thing you can do, it's be supportive. Be the friend she can call at two am when she needs help, even if it makes you uncomfortable, if something makes you uncomfortable, your first instinct is to avoid it, but in this case, try your hardest to be there for her.
So now we have to deal with the staying in every weekend. We either have to get you a reason to get out of the house, or we need to give you a reason to stay in. It just occurred to me today to advise people to do volunteer work. I was so shocked when it came to me that I was like why didn't I think of that before. I use to volunteer at a place near my house that helped special needs kids and I got to work with this one girl. I will never forget her. All I did was read her stories every Thursday afternoon, but I honestly fell in love with her the first day I worked with her. And I think that that will bring up your social stuff and help you to feel like there's a reason to go out on a Friday night other than just the movies with a friend.
Or you can join a club, a class or a team. Try and meet as many new people as possible and think of things this way. Maybe you don't usually hang out with someone like them, and maybe your friends don't like them but beggars cant be choosers right? So make friends and be open to anyone.
Get a job. I don't have a job yet, but I baby-sit the little girl behind me. I love hanging out with her. She gives me another thing to think about and she reminds me of myself when I was six. I only make like $2 and hour, but I don't really care because it's something to do. And if that's all you're looking for, then try that.
Now say you completely fill up your schedule with sports, clubs volunteering and a job, but you still have an open Friday night what do you do that makes it worth wile to stay home? Why don't you make those nights special. Make them "me" nights. Give yourself a funny face mask, paint your toenails, light some candles read a great book, rent a funny movie, write a poem, listen to soft music, watch a soap opera with Mom, paint a picture, clean your room, take a bubble bath, play with your pet, make yourself a warm cup of tea, and cuddle up with a teddy bear and a blanket.
Unless you're failing, or you have grades below your expectations, make weekends homework free. Try and find a way of working on projects during the week. Homework always puts a downer on everything. So try and work on that some other time, and besides you'll be filling up your weekends right? If you eliminate the stress of school work, you may realize that there are other reasons you are anxious. So how do we distress? We find ways to get our feelings out. I do this by writing (but some people find writing to be a chore, so find something that makes you happy not upset) just pour your feelings out and if you do write, then you can document your life, or something else, like a story. Something that makes you think of other things than stress. Try and get more sleep, you can always use more sleep. I found out the other day that sleep is like the bank, and you can get in debt, so think about trying to get as much as possible! Eat right, and try to forget about your worries and find other things (than stress) to think about. Looking forward to things is great, but sometimes if it just gets you more upset, then set a goal, and then try to achieve it, or I have another idea. Say you like purses (Sorry but that is sooo me) pick out a price range, say $35 and everyday put a quarter in a jaw and draw picture of a purse or pull one out of a magazine (it doesn't have to be one you want) and hang it over the jar. Every day put in that quarter know that sooner or later you will be able to get that purse. With each day that goes by you will get closer to it (yeaaa!) and it will give you something to look forward to.
Now your cousins death. There are two ways to move on. One is classic (well I've used it a lot) take a bunch of balloons and write something you loved about your cousin on a pieces of paper and attach them to your balloons. Then let them go into the sky. Watch them blow away and it will let you let go. Then go to the pet store (ask your parents first though okay? Cause my Mom would kill me if I impulse did this) and buy the cutest little animal there. A rat, a guinea pig, a rabbit, a goldfish, whatever sets you off (do this even if you did the balloons, and do this even if you have a pet already). This will help you to move on. Because all that love that you had for your cousin can go into your new friend. And hey, Saturday night with my rabbit doesn't suck either. I know it sucks, but I'd suggest to keep acting like you're happy (as long as you are getting your feelings out somewhere {ie a diary} and not holding them all in) because if you start acting suicidal (or something), then your friends might get scared off and then you'll get further off from your friendship goal.
I know it feels like life is hell right now, but trust me, it will get better. I promise. But it wont if you give up. If you need ANYTHING else let me know. And also, sometimes, just having a friend who knows what you are going through right now helps. So here's my email if you ever need someone to talk to, I'm here and I wont judge you. I just figured because we're the same age and I can relate that you might want to talk to me, but if you don't want to that's okay, I'm always here if you want to talk, And if you have any more questions, just ask! Lots of love, I hope I helped!
Angie91
Princess_in_pink723@hotmail.com
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Two small bits of advice. The first is that if you have friends at school, but you're not close to them and you spend your weekends home alone and this bothers you - get closer to them and ask them to do things on the weekends. You are in charge of your own social life and if it's not satisfying, change things. If those aren't friends you would want to hang out with on weekends, then find more friends. You would be surprised sometimes at how many people you thought would not be good friends can turn out to be fun and interesting and worth knowing. Second, you should speak with a counselor, possibly your school counselor about all of this stuff. The death of a family member is very hard (I know personally) and with your birthday coming up, you're expressing loss of interest in things you used to like doing. That's one sign of clinical depression. You should talk to someone about it.
Hope it helps and you're back to your old self (without the drinking) soon.
Sabine
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