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guysss
hey my name is danielle and i went out iwththis guy for about 10 months. i reli loved him and we didnt end things on the best note but it was needed. he lied to me and there has always been a problem with his ex shes the reason we broke up. they got togetehr after us but now they are broken up and i reli think that i will never ever get over that its been 6 months since we have broken up and i still lvoe him i was with this other guy recently liek going out and i had to end it because iw anst beign faire to im because i loved guy #1. i dont know wat to do i reli love him and i feel we shoudl be together maybe not now but later and i kno that we both think about eachother its one of thsoe relatinships that u just know.and weve been throough alot and i dno. wat shoudl i do. iw ant to get over him but i cant. i cant talk to him about it because then he will feel like he has my emotions inthe palm of his hand. id ont kno wat to do?!
thanks so muchh!
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
I know ending relationships is all about who is moving on faster, and who has all the control. But you need closure in order to move on (from anything). It doesn't matter if he has moved on (which he hasn't, he took the easy way out and moved back... to his old ex, so that was kinda not moving on,) so don't feel bad if you aren't ready to date a totally new guy yet. And don't feel bad if you had to break up with guy #2 because you weren't ready to date him in the first place.
So you need to get some closure somehow. There are a lot of ways for you to do that. You should start trying to write your feeling down. By doing this, you can express your feelings, and realize your mistakes and efforts. Then if this situation ever occurs again then you can find a way to change the way you react. I got into the habit of writing in my journal everyday because it helped me to work out all of the problems that I am having in life. It also is a memoir showcasing my triumphs and helps me to realize what I did wrong to enforce downfalls. So I would defiantly recommend doing that. Every night might be to stressful, but every second night or once a week even. It helps in so many ways. And you don't have to have the traditional "Dear Diary" entry do what feels right.
Or you can write a letter. Write out a letter to guy #1. Don't sent it. Just write what you would like to tell him. Then fold it up and put it in a drawer, and one day open it up and correct it. Then type it up and mail it to him. It will be a total shock. But you will be able to look at it the second time with opened eyes. You can decide whether or not to say certain things, but you can still show him how you felt. It will also help you to organize your feelings.
So whether or not to talk to him about it. I don't think you should talk to him yet. You can if you really feel like getting out. But I think that you probably should just try to keep your space and move on.
So I guess you want some moving on tips eh? Well I have a few good ones, but if these don't work for you, try them, then say they don't work, don't say they don't work and pass them up because sometimes things look horrible on the hanger, but you try them on and they rock right? Sometimes you just need that nudge to do them.
One thing that seems pretty classic is getting involved. Usually I suggest a club or a sport, but for some reason, I want to suggest volunteer work for you. I'm not sure why, and it may sound horrible, but I think you should trust me. Helping people will give you that same feeling guy #1 gave you, but for the right reasons. I don't know if you are an advicenator, or if you are just asking me a question, but if you are, then you know that feeling when you give someone that help they need. So I think you should go out and support a charity. Or work in a retirement home. Or help special needs kids. Plant a garden. Sing in a church choir. Work at a daycare. Run a charity drive at school. Whatever inspires you. But try and find something to give back to the world. I don't know why I've never suggested that in a moving on question before. But I think you should try it.
Back to clubs though, it lets you meet new people, and make friends (maybe even meet a new guy when you're ready) and try something new. Break out of your shell.
Make a list of everything he did that drove you mad, or he thought was stupid. And go out and do all of them. Say you told him you wanted to see a movie, and he said that he thought it looked stupid. Go rent the movie. And even if he was right, who cares? You tried something you wouldn't have if he was still dating you.
Take all of the things he gave you, and put them in a box (or give them back to him if they're something that's his and you haven't returned it yet) and add up all the possible money he might have spent on you. Say it's like a ring, a shirt, a necklace, guess how expensive they were, and go spend that money. Sure you may have worked super hard to make that $60 or whatever, but spend it anyway (this is the ONLY time I will ever advise someone to spend money randomly) but you should do it, because it will make you feel good to buy things for yourself. Buy that new scarf you wanted. Or that new purse.
Spend as much time with your friends as possible (but don't talk about guy #1 it's not nice and you'll regret it!!) take them to a movie or bake cookies on a Saturday night. Pick out a movie just to laugh at and find the best possible way to have fun.
Lastly, find a new obsession. I know that sounds really stupid. But pick some random guy in math class and obsess about him, think about him at night, think about him on the bus to school. Think about him when you're bored. He doesn't have to be anyone you'll ever date. But it will fill the space you tried to fill with guy #2. And you weren't ready for a relationship. But everyone's ready for a make believe one right?
Good luck, and I hope you get over guy #1. I really hope that I gave you the advice you needed. Thanks for asking me! And if you ever need anything else don't forget to ask! Please let me know how this turns out. Again good luck, and lots of love,
Angie91
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