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my life is upside down.
Okay, I didn't know what category to put it in, so I just put it in the random one.
Usually I give the advice, but I don't know what the hell I'm supposed to do. Let me explain:
My boyfriend is a marine. He came home from base because a family member passed away. While he was home, we had unprotected sex. He pulled out, but lately I've been feeling sick. I don't know if I'm pregnant or not, or if I really am just sick & it's something that'll pass. I don't have a job, so I have no money to buy an ept. So I don't know what to do about that.
On top of that, he's going to Iraq tomorrow. =( He'll be home in 6 months for 15 days, but when that times up, he goes back for another 6 months. And I'm not the type that deals well with things like this, so lately I've been super depressed. I haven't been to school in about 2 weeks because of my depression, and I don't know what to do. Talking to people is NOT helping, and not even my music can save me. I usually listen to music when I'm upset, and it helps me a ton, but it's not helping. I'm just scared that something's gonna happen to him.
A few years ago, I had two friends in the army, and they both promised me they wouldn't get hurt. They died a month apart from each other. He tells me he'll be fine, and that nothing's gonna happen, but those people are CRAZY and who knows what they're gonna do!? I don't know if I can believe him because I've had two friends die there and I'm not sure I can handle it again. I'm paranoid, but I've got no choice but to be.
And my home/family situation isn't really a big help either. I've got a quick temper, so it's not easy to make me mad. Lately they've been doing everything they possibly could to piss me off. My father comes home from work whenever he pleases. My mother's always asleep, and they never grocery shop, so me and my brother go hungry until they buy us something to eat for the day. And today, my brother did the stupidest thing ever. I live in New York, so naturally, it's cold out. My mother was shoveling and she never does that, so I went outside to ask her why. My brother thought it was hilarious to pull a prank on me & lock me outside. It was about 10-20 degrees out, and I was outside in just a hoodie & some jeans. I wanted to get back inside the house & I could see him laughing. It's not funny. It doesn't take much to get me sick either since my immune system is ass. So I was pounding on the window to get him to open the door & I did it three times. The third time, the window shattered and my fist went through it. It didn't cut me, but then he started yelling at me telling me that my father was gonna kick my ass when he got home, and that I was an idiot.
I have low self esteem already, so comments like that don't help much. I don't know what to do anymore. I'd leave for a little while, but I've got nowhere to stay. My cousin just had a baby, so there's no room at her house. Another cousin of mine, we don't get along, and my grandmother's house is just..no. It's like jail there. I don't know. My family's driving me insane, and I'm gonna end up committing suicide before I'm 18. I'll be 16 in a few weeks. I'm already suicidal, but I haven't cut since about September/Octoberish, and I don't wanna start up again, but if things keep going the way they are...I'm scared I am gonna start back up.
What do I do? My life's falling apart and there's nothing I can do about it. =(
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wow, I'm so sorry for all that's happened to you. I know this probably won't help since you've had experiance in this too, but my cousin went to Iraq, and returned safely, so it is possible to do. As hard as it may seem, you just have to try your hardest to remain positive and keep supporting him (even though you don't want him to go) it will make him feel better and make him try harder and fight safer. As for the other things, try to somehow get to a near by clinic, and explain to them your situation. They'll be able to help you. If that doesn't work, try talking to your cousin about it and see if she can help. Also, try telling your mom that shes making you feel worse and tell her how much she's tormenting you. As for your brother, he sounds like a normal brother to me, ((i have one too, and sometimes they can be brats)) As for your dad, if you want to start a relationship with him, start out with a simple "hello dad", when he gets home from work. I honestly hope i helped you, and if you ever do wanna talk to someone, you can ask me anything or if you just want to talk i'm here, and you wouldn't be bothering me, because i love trying to help people out. good luck with everything
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Wow you have a very intense life...It is certainly admirable that you have put up with you have this long...unfortunaly their isnt much you can do for the pregnancy in some states there are free places where you go to get tested you just have to find a place...and your right their is no way to guarentee your boyfriends safety but that is apart of their jobs not many people can put their life on the line for their country...the only thing you can do is deal with it...im sorry to say the best way to do is talk about it...your friends that you do have will support you...grow closer to the people you love..if you have one person that loves you, your life is worth living
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