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Is mom wrong?


Question Posted Tuesday January 23 2007, 4:44 pm

I skipped school with this boy i really liked but my mom was always on my cas eand if she had just given me a little breathing room i wouldn't have done it but i did. And, i feel punishment was justifiable but do you thin that it is fair that he can't take me to my senior prom and he is the only reason that i want to go? I asked her if i could go by myself and she said no. Than at the last minute she got mad at me because i din't go to my prom and said that i should drive myself but why does she have to lie so much even though if i would have known that i could drive myself i would have came up with a plan so we could go together.

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angie91 answered Tuesday January 23 2007, 5:56 pm:
You know, I'd be a nice guy and say "Oh your mom's an idiot," or "She was so totally wrong" but even with the stuff you said to back up your statement, I don't have enough information to make an accusation such as the one the person before me made. Yeah it probably was pretty unfair of your mom to say that you couldnt go to prom and change her mind at the last second, but Mom's are just trying to protect you. And she probably thinks that you're out getting in trouble, and you have to realize that trust is a privilage not a right. If you do something to tel her you can't be trusted when you're around him (ie skipping school) she can't be expected to trust you 100% of the time, (especially seeing as prom night has a bad rep for teens going out and having sex) and she wants to protect you.
I don't know what you did (or didn't do) in the first place to make her feel like she can't give you breathing room, but whatever it was, it shouldn't matter. You did what every teen does and rebelled. But just because every teen does it, it doesn't make it right. So for that you are at fault.
As far as whether or not it's fair or unfair for the prom thing, I couldn't say, but it seems to me like you and your mom need to talk alittle bit. It is important to have a strong relationship with your mom, and even though sometimes, it feels like you just can't stand her, she has reasons for everything she says, and if you can talk to her about it, then you can build up the trust and be able to show her what you see in your guy.
So is your mom wrong? I don't know, why don't you talk to her and see for yourself.
I know that some of my advice is something you may not want to hear, but you've gotta admit, that whether or not I'm right, doesn't matter what matters is your relationship with your mom. And you've gotta work to get that working because you're getting older, and you only have to live with her for a bit longer. Soon you'll be on your own, and you have to take the responsibility and take insiative, and work on your relationship before it's too late. Good Luck, and I hope you realize that it's more than just a prom, it's a life long relationship. Love,
Angie91

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Xenolan answered Tuesday January 23 2007, 5:55 pm:
It's a little hard to decipher your text (punctuation would help), but if I understand correctly, this is what happened:

(1) As punishment for skipping school, your mom said that you couldn't go to your Prom - even by yourself.

(2) She then got upset with you for NOT going by yourself.

That's certainly contradictory behavior, but it's a strange thing to lie about. I think it's more likely that she forgot she had told you you couldn't go at all - it was probably something she said in the heat of the moment and then it later slipped her mind. Still, it's hardly a point in her favor that she forgot about something so important.

On the other hand, let's look at you for a moment:

(1) You suggested you could go by yourself, because your mom didn't want you seeing this boy.

(2) You fully intended to hook up with him anyway.

If we're going to call your mom a liar, let's be fair and point out that you're guilty of the same thing. Your mom is the adult in this situation and so she is to be held to a higher standard, but be that as it may, you can't expect honesty from people if you don't deal with them honestly yourself!

As for how fair the punishment was, I'd say it falls under the heading of "natural consequences." Prom is a celebration of growing up, and your behavior (skipping school to hang out with a boy that you know your mom has problems with, lying about whether you intend to hook up with him) doesn't display a lot of maturity. On the other hand, it DOES seem severe to me; Senior Prom comes only once, and it was pretty heartless of her to cause you to miss out on it. Therefore, I'd say your mother was right to punish you, but she did it too harshly. You both clearly have some things to sort out, and I suggest you do it soon, because presumably your senior year of high school is now over and you'll be moving out on your own soon, so these issues need to be resolved now while there's still a chance.

I must admit I'm curious about one thing. According to my calendar, it's late January. Unless you're on a very different school schedule than I'm used to, the Prom is generally scheduled for the end of May. Is this something that happened eight months ago that you're just now dealing with, or what? If so, I'd say you've already let it fester far too long, and it's DEFINITELY time to talk about it.

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raebaby answered Tuesday January 23 2007, 5:11 pm:
i understand your mother's concerns about you and the boy. she probably is just afraid since you skipped school with him that you guys are gonna go off and get into more trouble together. my mom's always on my ass too but you know she means well. but in this case about the whole not allowed to go to prom thing and stuff, she's wrong. a prom is a once in a lifetime thing and she didn't let you have that.

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