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help me. =] .. !
Alright. So for whoever actually goes on advicenators, KEEP READING. Seriously, I REALLY need advice and I don't know who to talk to about it. I WILL RATE 5's for anybody who actually like tries to give a good- like really good answer. Okay this might be long but please. So, I need advice on a couple things, one of which is like at school, people call me a lezbo- WHICH I AM TOTALLY NOT. Like people (even popular) say it sometimes to my face, behind my back, or like say something kinda like "So make out with any hot girls lately" or something like "Yeah, you would look really good with all your hair chopped off- like a dyke", pretty much something like that in a really wise ass way. And I know from reading this you probably think I'm a total nerd, but I'm actually average. People are usually nice to my face but still, it really bugs me thats everyone once in a while people I don't even know, or do, talk about me and say stuff that they don't even know is true. I really would like for someone to help me GET OVER THIS and GET THIS TO STOP. It started last year so I really really want this to stop. I mean I would rather be known as a slut then a lezbo (no offense to anyone). I know I shouldn't care, but it's not something you can really not care about. I don't know maybe its because I never had a boyfriend (not like i don't want one, but that anyone who ever asks me out I don't want to go out with because either i don't know them, or they are one of my best friends) PLEASE! I really need advice, I get so upset about it. One more is, I really need help making new friends. Like I have about only three friends that I actually hang out with outside of school and act like myself around and then the other people are either from other towns or we only hang out once. I have like friends in school, but not the kind that you want to talk to on the computer or call or hang out with. I know its kind of pathetic, but I really do need to make new friends. I'm kid of shy at school and I know if I just acted like how I do around my normal friends (funny and like loud and around guys a total flirt) that I most likely could be in with the "popular kids". ha. yeah so all I want to do is have those rumors stop, and make a WHOLE new bunch of friends. One of my best friends,Casey, ALWAYS hangs out with me and kinda sorta follows me. Im pretty much her only friend because she NEVER talks in school. I really need to kinda of pull away from here because I'm spending all my time with her and not focusing on meeting new people&makin new friends.
Please help.!!!!
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Hm. I read this question, and at first, I kind of felt bad for you, but now I totally don't after what you said about Casey.
First of all: The one major thing you need to change is YOUR SELF ESTEEM. If you honestly care if someone calls you a lesbian when you KNOW YOU'RE NOT, why does it matter? Seriously. You don't know them, you don't care about them, do their opinions truly matter? No. You need to look yourself straight in the mirror and REALIZE that PEOPLE ARE ASSHOLES. Straight up. You're never going to make everyone like you, and you're never going to just "make a bunch of friends."
2nd: Why are you so obsessed with being popular? Why can't you just be yourself? Why would you want friends who only like you because of how you want them to see you? If you're yourself, and people don't like you, then that's their problem. You shouldn't alter yourself to make people like you more. That's NOT cool.
Casey: What a shitty, shitty thing to do. If all these people are saying horrible things about you and she STILL talks to you, be fricken happy! You complain about not having many friends, but you have her! Maybe you should thank her for being such an awesome friend to you? "Pushing away from her" what does that mean? Ditch her when you suddenly become "instantly popular" like you think? What a crummy friend. If people realize that you ditch her to be popular, they're not going to want a friend like that. I know I wouldn't.
However; I have been in this situation before. People at my school think I'm a lesbian but I know I'm not so it doesn't bother me. Of course, it used to. I cried a lot. I didn't want people to be saying mean things about me. As soon as I hit senior year [this year] I ended caring about what people said about me. IT'S NOT WORTH getting mad and sad about when you're not going to make them change their minds. I've had a boyfriend for six months, and I'm still called a lesbian. If you think "fake, popular" friends are going to make you happy, then that's on you.
Personally, if you want to meet more people. BE FRIENDLY. Accept EVERYBODY no matter what "social class". People will respect you for that. If you're shy, try joining a sport or academic club. I'm in Forensics [competitve acting/speech] and I've met SO MANY people. Seriously. If you're serious about meeting new people, why not try for some after school activity. If you're a religious person, maybe you could go to a youth-group at your church, or if your church doesn't have one, start one. Try out for the talent show, do the morning announcments, do something to get noticed as long as it's the REAL you.
I know I may seem harsh, but it's truly only to help you. I know it's cliche, but all you need is to be yourself. If people can't accept that, then oh well. They DON'T DESERVE YOUR FRIENDSHIP.
Megii
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Aww, I totally know what you're going through. Rumors about hook ups with boys, lies about things happening at parties, are in no means appropriate in any discussion. High school is cruel, but I've never had anything said straight to my face so I guess I've had it lucky.
Being called a lesbian isn't a bad thing but being called that, as an insult is pretty bad.
First of all, there is probably a reason why they call you one. Try to pinpoint that out. Was there a rumor going on about you and someone? Did you do anything to make someone in the popular group "mad"? If it's something straight forward, just cut it at the root and the rumors will fade away. If there is one girl who is mainly the one insulting you, confront her.
If that isnâ??t the issue, the way to ease out of this is to make your orientation clear. If you dress like a boy, start dressing more like a girl. Start mentioning hot guys (celebrities or in real life) in conversations and stick a picture of a half-naked male actor in your locker, with a few pictures of your friends and clothed casts of movies you like. Make sure you do this slowly and be discreet, donâ??t t start talking about guys out of no where or it will seem like youâ??re trying too hard.
When people make jokes about you, be sure to rebut them. If anyone asks you if you've made out with a girl recently, just respond with a casual, "oh yeah, honey, don't you remember last weekend?"
If you think youâ??re an extrovert, you should totally act that way at school too. Donâ??t be afraid to let your own true self shine. And honestly, donâ??t try to be friends with those popular girls if theyâ??re calling you a dyke behind your back. If thatâ??s the type of popular girls they are, you donâ??t need them to be your friend because eventually theyâ??ll drag it up again when theyâ??re in a messy situation. Instead, open yourself up to new people. Join clubs and donâ??t be afraid to speak your mind whenever you feel like it. If you donâ??t have the confidence yet, fake the confidence and eventually, it will come. Just donâ??t leave all your other friends behind too. Iâ??ve gone through a lot of groups of friends, especially after I graduated, and I still party with people in high school sometimes even though I donâ??t spend every second of my spare time with them.
And donâ??t promise to give everyone 5s. Thatâ??s a good way to get your question deleted.
Good luck.
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Hmm. Thanks for asking me about this, I feel honored. People are so pathetic these days. Someone once said outloud that he thought I was a lesbian, because he knows these things because he's gay. Which is totally off. But, what I said to him was, even if i was, you shouldnt have said that in front of people, because its not your responsibility/right to talk about. You just need to throw it back out them, just say to them, so what, get over it. By popular kids, you mean the kids that were being mean to you in the beginning of the question? You dont need them, unless theyre nice to you. Let people see how you really are with your friends! When someone throws some lesbian joke at you, like the bald joke, just be like, your moms should shave her head. Or, really, thats what your mom said last night! You know, just little jokes like that. Dont even stand there, just keep on walking. There not worth your time. If this continues, you have the right to say something to a adult, teacher, or guidence counselor. Remeber, it doesnt mastter what people think about you, if your satisfied with yourself and who you are, then thats great. Hope i helped. GOod LUck!
-Brina
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well i went through the same thing knda. i was able to stop rumors by agree ing to them. and agree in humor. ex. "hey lesbo how you doing with your girlfreing" you say "very good thank you. come to think of it i havent huged you latly. come on give me a huge." now i know it might be har because your shy but thats how i stoped mine. and if you want new friends then sit by new people at lunch. talk more oftenand be more outgoing
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if you want to not be called a lezbo anymore, try going out with someone, even if you dont know them very well, you can get to know them. and if you go out with someone then people will know that you are into guys, not girls. or you can go to the school counselor (i no it sounds cheap but they can really help with problems like these). and for the meeting new people thing i think your on the right track, you just need to try to pull away from casey and talk more to other people and always act like yourself. i hope this helps!
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