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am I normal?
So I am 17, a college student (majoring in engineering), people tell me I should be a model...Anyways the point is that I have never even went out with a guy before.. my parents always oriented me towards school and self-improvement.. I guess I am starting to get curious about dating a boy (guys only - I am not gay)..but the problem is that nobody ever asks me out.. I am not shy around guys at all..and they always treat me as their friend..why can't I attract a guy? could they just be intimidated by me somehow? what should i do? (asking a guy out myself is completely out of the question!!)
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
If you are as attractive as you say, that DOES cause an intimidation factor.
Couple in the fact that you aren't shy, and it makes you kind of unapproachable. Its not a bad thing, its just that if you show alot of confidence in yourself then people will generally assume that its justified, and they'll wonder if they measure up or just assume that they don't.
Basically, most guys have no clue how to start a conversation with you and take it into the dating realm.
Things you can do
1) If you like a guy, smile. Smiling is the "its all good" encouragement tool. Its how you let a guy know that what he's doing isnt making you unhappy. It can be a small smile, or a giggle, or a grin.
Smiling shows interest and attention.
2) Eye contact. Eye contact, likewise, shows interest in a person. It also shows confidence. If you're talking to a guy you like, look him in the eye every once in a while.
3) Physical contact. I'm not talking about anything sexual here. I'm talking about friendly touching.
Example. There is a girl I work with who I'm friends with, who talks to me constantly about another guy at work she's trying to get to ask her out.
She does things, even sub consciously to interact with and be friendly to him. She'll reach out and touch his arm, or side when she needs his attention. She'll give him a little back scratch (like a 2 second scratch in the middle of his back) to show affection. Unfortunately for her he's completely oblivious and probably wouldn't notice until she kissed him that shes trying pretty hard, but thats a separate issue.
Showing guys that you aren't afraid of casual friendly physical contact makes them more comfy around you, and more bold.
Thats when you progress to swatting him and stuff. You know, me makes a smart comment and you smack him lighly on the arm or something. All of it breeds comfort between you and them.
4) Compliment them. Seriously. One of the absolute BIGGEST advantages women have over men is how easy it is to feed our egos to your own advantage. Take a guy who isnt sure he measures up to you. Compliment him. Let him know that in your opinion he DOES measure up.
5) Self contact. This one is a bit of a flirting technique. You can do subtle things that draw his eyes where you want them to go.
Common forms
- Playing with your hair. It makes it seem like your attention is elsewhere and gives him an invitation to check you out.
- Touching your neck. God only knows why, but necks are sexy. Lightly rubbing your neck as if you have a slight itch or ache, or just seemingly unconsciously touching yourself on the sides of your neck draw his eyes there. And necks are sexy.
- Touching other parts. Basically, accentuate yourself with subtle hand movements. Are you wearing something with a little cleavage? Find an excuse to rub the side of your breasts lightly, or just under them. Got hips to show off? Touch your legs or side lightly. Wearing a skirt? Find a reason to do something around your ankle.
Moving your hands around in certain areas naturally draws attention there. With a little self awareness you can have him checking you out because you want too, and getting him interested.
Combine this with eye contact and smiling...
Advanced maneuver example.
You reach up and lightly rub your neck, as if scratching a very faint itch. You lean your head back a little and turn your head to one side and close your eyes, as if enjoying it.
Now rub down as if the itch is moving to the top of your chest below your throat. Now move your hand down and away letting your arm and the side of your hand slide down the front of your breast.
You just drew his eyes to your neck, and down over your chest.
Now look him in the eyes and smile. If you caught him looking somewhere other than your face, when he makes eye contact smile genuinely at him, letting him know you didn't mind him looking and aren't at all upset with him for it.
Little fireworks will be going off in his brain thinking "This girl is attractive, and she doesnt mind me noticing"
Advanced flirting techniques that are very subtle. Practice in a mirror if you have to, so you don't exaggerate anything. The point is to look like you just scratched your neck, absolutely innocently, and you're just so attractive that he can't help but look at you. Thats the way he'll see it, even though you're using your body language to advertise to him.
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There is nothing wrong with you at all. Yes, Infact you are very normal :) Sometimes things in life just take longer than wanted. Maybe some guys think you may not be interested? Try flirting such as smiling, complimenting, and maybe if you get to know the guy well enough ask him if he'd like to join you to a movie, or just hang out. Don't ask him out ugh I'm completely against that too lol, but just try to do fun things together and then let him do all the work. ;) Trust me, There is nothing wrong. Just make sure you fix yourself up. Maybe wear some makeup (I don't know if you do or not but some tips just incase) Perfume, Nice hairstyle etc. I didn't find my first boyfriend until I was 22 years old. Sometimes the best things in life are worth waiting for. :) Just send a message if you have anymore questions.
Best of Luck!
BahaiMa22
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