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My parents are soooooooo over-protective
I'm female - 16years old - To cut a long story short, my mum and i haven't really got on for about 3 years. I argue with my dad quite a bit too but it's not as serious...I'm into punk/rock/metal, mostly wear black combats and tanktops with a black hoody or my black leather jacket...My mum hates this as she has always been quite a perfectionist and wears suits all of the time (legal executive) - my dad is more tolerant of these factors. Anyway my mum and i had this massive argument and she basically critisized everything about my life - she doesn't want me out after it gets dark which is at like 6! and she hates me doing everything that all my mates my age can do - I'm getting kind of bullied at school for being so obediant when my parents are so strict and it's causing issues with this guy i really love - I don't want to go against my parents to annoy them but i have no freedom....At this rate i'll still be living with them and on my own with no mates when i'm 40!!
I need help! I need to experience life and make my own choices - i can't go on ignoring my own feelings just to keep them happy!
What can i do? Should i think about going to a college with student flats and moving in with a mate to get some independance?
Please help me...
Traumatised Rock-chic
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Families?
Well, I'm not sure of your parents' parenting style. Since your mom is straight-laced and overprotective and works in the legal field, perhaps it would be best if you asked for a family meeting and explained what you've just told me. Tell them concisely and unemotionally what other kids your age are getting to do that you don't. Your Dad must absolutely be in on this meeting as well, if it's going to work. You should ask for some more freedom or a way to win more trust and you should ask what is keeping them from trusting you now. If your mom doesn't like the way you dress, are you willing to dress more conservatively in order to gain more freedom? Are they worried about your mates or this guy you love? Do they think you hang out with the wrong crowd? If so, are they correct? If not, have they met your mates and your guy? The only way I know for you to possibly win this game is to turn your mother's love of logic and order to your advantage. Make sound logical arguments, like "I know you think Skull (or other boy) is a bad influence. Did you know that he reads to the little old ladies at the nursing home every Saturday, he's a straight-A student, and he's going to Oxford on scholarship? Please don't let his eyebrow piercings fool you. Can we have him over for dinner one night, after his studies and volunteer work are done?" If that goes well, then you can ask to go to the theater with him or something. Let your parents get to know the people beneath the leather jackets.
You may have to offer that you will wear clothes your mother approves of sometimes and do what she asks if you want her to trust you and give you privileges. I know you don't want to suppress who you are in order to please them, but they kind of have you in a hard spot. When you're older, you won't need their formal approval, but for now I'm sorry to say you just have to play by their rules.
I would say that going to a college with dorms or flats is a good idea, but that won't be for another 1-2 years, right? If I were you, I wouldn't move in with a mate yet - you should finish your education to give yourself the best chance of long-term success. You're obviously bright and well-spoken. I'm sure you can get through a couple more years of being under your parents' thumbs and then the world is yours to explore.
I wish I had a magic word which would make parents listen to their children. I really could have used it when I was your age. Meanwhile, I hope I have helped at least a little. Good luck.
Sabine
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