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me and my boyfriend have been together for about 2 years now and are competely in love. last year around this time he got into a lot of trouble involving drugs and was arrested. ovbiously my mom was not too happy about me being around him but she gave him another chance to make everything okay. everything was going well until a month ago when he relapsed. his mom called mine and told her what happened, so i was forbidden to talk to him or see him. ovbiously, i didnt listen and was continuing to communicate with him. last week when i stayed home sick, he stopped by and brought me soup and all that kind of stuff, and everything was the best its ever been with me and him. we're closer now than ever before. the other day my mom caught me talking to him and everything blew up. we got in a huge fight about how i lied to her and she couldnt trust me anymore and even called him to tell him never to call me and respect her wishes. i was so upset last night that i couldnt sleep and snuck out and ran 2 miles to his house at 1 o'clock in the morning (his mom loves me so it wasnt really an issue) i just needed to see/talk to him and his mom. my problem is this: i cannot stop talking to him. I am so in love and not talking to him would kill me. I dont want to disrespect my mom anymore though either... my boyfriend is going to rehab and a lot of other programs and really for the first time getting his act together. i dont know how to explain to my mom that i need him in my life, hes my best friend and the only person who completely understands who i really am. we need eachother. but my mom just says im too young, and need to let it go. she doesnt get that i wont, and if i want it bad enough, ill just wait for it. should i talk to her more and is there anything i can tell her to make her understand..... ahhhhh
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Okay, firstly I will definately say is talk more to your mom. Get a cup of coffee or tea and sit together and talk, about how you feel and everything that is bothering you inside and that just wants to explode!
He has had his 2nd chance and if it still doesn't work out than... its best to trust mom. I know how it sometimes is hard to trust and go along with mom's wishes but, Mom knows best and that is the truth. I am sorry hun but maybe getting into drugs and stuff is a little too much. Move on!
Thankyou!
Ask Venzuela... anytime!
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Ok, so I see both points of view. This may be long. Sorry about that.
I will start with your mom.
#1, She wants to make sure he doesn't get you involved in drugs along with him. It doesn't mean that you are doing drugs, she just wants to protect you from them. (Way to go, Mom!)
#2 This is his second chance. She let it go the first time he got help for drugs. And he's doing it again?
#3 She wants to protect you from being with a guy who may choose drugs over her daughter. (Way to go, Mom!)
#4 His mom called to tell her about his relapse. Hmmm... Big, Giant, Huge, Monstrous bells, whistles, and red flags are going off in her head. This relationship is now a very, big worry and concern. Is her daughter safe with this boy? (Again, we have another way to go, Mom!)
#5 If anything above is something she SHOULD be worried about, (I hope it isn't) She will no doubt stop at nothing to see that you don't get hurt. (Hooray for Mom again! See how much she loves you, child? You are a very lucky girl.)
Now for you.
It's nice that he cares so much about you, tending to you while you are sick and all. You are a lucky girl to have a guy like that. He is your best friend, so that means he actually listens to you. Another bonus.
But you also have to realize, he also has a problem. He has a big monkey on his back that he needs to send packing. You need to give him space so he has a chance to focus on doing that, or what good is he to himself, let alone you? But he needs to do this FOR himself, and no other, or he will likely relapse again.
If in the event he ever chooses drugs over you, or if in the event he ever tries to get you to join in, you better cash out on this relationship. You don't want to get hurt and you don't want him to take you down with him.
You say you need him. No you don't. You can live without him. A need is something you can't live without.
I'm not saying to break up. Nor am I saying to stay together. I'm saying you need to sit back and make the wisest decision. You don't want to get caught in his downward spiral, if that's what is happening or ever does happen.
I say go ahead and talk to your mom. It is a mighty fine idea. But don't talk AT her about how she needs to understand your love for this guy (believe me, she realizes this already). Talk TO her about the situation at hand. Make sure you listen to her and what she says if you want her to give you the same respect. Don't turn it into an argument, debate, or shouting match. That will get you no where.
I guarantee the best advice you will get will come from your mother, weather you see it now or 10 years in the future.
Don't disrespect her wishes. To do that is to disrespect one of the very few people in your life who loves you always, forever, no matter what.
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Well honestly I would talk to your mom more about it....depending on your age, there is not much you can do without disrespecting your moms wishes. Keep trying to talk to her about it and maybe she will come around. If you really loved him you might have to let him go for at least a little while. Maybe he will stop doing drugs, just so he can be with you. Also you might be able to set down with your mom, boyfriend, and his mom and have like a group "meeting" or something. Let me know how it works out for you.
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