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All my problems
Okay I'm about to ramble so get ready...
My problem, what is it? I'm not sure. I think I have more than one but i'll tell you all the symptoms now.
I feel it's extremly neccesairy to be happy at all times...for myself? No. So that I don't get others sad. I feel like its my job to keep people happy. Well...at times. At others I think it should be all about me getting attention and pity and being depressed. At those timees I feel the world has to be about me.
The thing is I feel as if it's 2 of me. I...I doubt im have some split personality disorder but I just feel...maybe? Like whenI look at things I wrote...emails notes ect sometimes I tell myself "you didnt write that...it wasnt you". Now obviously I know it was but...I just don't remember it and I feel I wouldnt have wrote it like that.
Now not remembering it is another problem...I have terrible memory...not like occasional "Where did I put my keys" but like I can almost never remember where most of my stuff is what I didi with is ect but I feel thats because im always daydreaming. I always feel out of it not realising the world. Thats what I blame short term memory on. But my long term memory is terrible also. Well...chosen memories.
I can remember a bunch of times I cried at school...I can remember feeling guilty after being a jerk and saying something stupid in class. But I can't remember my first best friend or anything happy. If I can I have to try reaaaaaaaly hard and most of the time im pretty sure I "remember" them because we got them on tape and watched them recently. And when I remember stuff its from a thrid person view...is that normal? I'm not too sure. I doubt my sanity all the time then reasure myself but I dont know...
I'm very strange when it comes to social situations...I can sing in front of 100's of people and not be shy at all but when it comes to asking a teacher for a homework I lost it terrifies me. I hate school do to this. I am very unorganised and the daydreaming doesnt help. It's not that im afraid of the people themselves its just if I say something stupid and they give me that look...that "You're kidding right?" look it just burn a hole in me ...it shatters me to peices...I know its stupid but it does.
So I hang around with alot of girls but barely any guys...yet i've only had one girlfriend my whole life...I dunno...I feel lonely because of that though...I feel like I need someone to love me but I think thats the "wants attention" side...
Well if you survived that...tell me...what do you think is wrong? What should I do...what?
P.S. I am a very confused 15 year old boy
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Maybe give some free advice about: Mental health?
OK, well first of all with the personality extremes, you don't have to make others feel happy, unless you've caused their sadness. It's not your responsibility to make people happy. and when you feel like it should be all about you when you're sad I think it's because you've done all you can do to make others happy because you felt like it was your job, and you think others should do the same for you. Which makes sense. Now, with the lack of remembrance, and that you can only remember the negative things...I think that's because you need more self-esteem. Like, the fact that you do all you can to make others happy, not everyone does that! Think of everything positive about yourself and you might remember better things about yourself instead of the times you were ajerk in school. Now for the emails, it's probably because you felt differently about it then, than you do now. You might've been in a different mood, and people your age go through having lots of mood changes and different opinions of the world, because you may not know who you are yet and it takes time to figure it out. So you try to look at others' points of view of things.
Hope I helped <3
-Lauren
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I'm a little confused but I think you may have a lot of times where you are afraid of what people are gonna think about you. You don't want to be judged and just hang low while trying to make everyone happy. I think that you should learn to accept that if people are judgemental about you in a negative way, they're not worth your time crying over.
And while you're making everyone happy, you want someone to make you happy and you feel like you're giving all the time instead of receiving. And those are the times where you want to withdraw a little and try to make all the attention focused on you.
As for the memory thing, Charles, my friend, is worse and he's 15 too. He sometimes forgets where he's going...in school. And don't worry. I forget too. But not as badly. Like I would put something down and 2minutes later, I'd be wondering where I put down that huge, heavy bag. Haha.
Tell me if I'm wrong with my understanding of your rambling Haha. IM me if you want
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You said you try to make other people happy or something?
You are spending too much time worried about them and not enough time worried about whats going on with you. I think you need to sit down and organize yourself, and get to know your self better. I know that sounds strange, but its true. Keep a journal, and at times go back and look at it so you can remember things about yourself or a situation. You probably feel alone because you have noone to talk to. You need to get some male friends also, someone else to talk to. A girl isnt gonna want to sit down and listen to you they have boys, makeup, and everything else on their minds.
Get out of the house more go do things that you enjoy doing that makes you happy or at least puts a smile on your fac. AND if i didnt help you, you can always talk to your parents, hey know you WAY better than i do.
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