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A four year relationship is going to pot...
I'm a 19 year-old female who's dating a 26 year-old male. We have a lot of problems because of our age difference, but there's one major problem that I don't quite understand.
My boyfriend is constantly trying to have sex with me. Mind you, since our fifth month into dating, we've been boinking. However, over the past year or so, he's persistant in his efforts to have sex with me, even when I don't want to. I'll tell him I don't feel like it and he just keeps bugging me, saying things like "You don't need this shirt" and then trying to pull my shirt off over my head while we're watching a movie. Or, more often, complaining that "sex fixes everything" because it makes him feel better. When I explain that it makes me feel terrible to have sex when I don't want to, he insists that it won't.
So, we never have any time to talk about things or even go out because we're stuck at home fighting about sex. I don't even like to kiss him anymore because he takes it as a sign that I want to "do it". Most of the time I just give in because I'm tired of fighting and then feel cheap and bad the rest of the time I'm with him.
I've tried to talk to him about it and I've tried to explain it to him, but he just doesn't seem to care.
What should I do?
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A boyfriend is supposed to make you feel special and loved. He should treat you with the ultimate respect. Judging by what you said, he doesn't do any of these. He pressures you to have sex, and by just having a sexual relationship with you, he's taking advantage of you.
I think you should end the relationship. It doesn't matter if you've been together 4 years, 4 months, or 4 days; You don't deserve this pain. You deserve someone who treats you with respect, and who doesn't pressure you to do things you aren't comfortable with. You need to be with somebody who you can kiss, and know that the guy will stop there.
You already gave him a chance. You let him know that you want more than just a sexual relationship. He didn't take the chance to change, and that's his problem, not yours. It's time to let this guy go. Like I said, you deserve so much better.
It may not be easy to move on, but it will happen. Remember that nothing bad lasts forever; There's always something good around the corner, waiting to happen.
I hope I helped, and if you have any more questions, feel free to leave one in my inbox!
-Manders
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Well tell him that if he doesn't realize that what you want does matter than you will rethink the relationship. Even if your not actually planning on breaking up with him, make him worry, make him realize he can't get away with anything. If he doesn't stop, however, than you might actually want to rethink your relationship. You want a guy that respects you and your needs. Also, you shouldn't give in. If he really cares about more than sex then he'll just let it go. If he threathens to break up with or or something for not giving him sex than he is not someone you want in your life and obviously only cares about sex and not you. Hope i helped. =D
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Okay. Well, first, it's creepy that he was having sex with you when you were 15 and he was 22. Aside from that, it seems to me that you have surpassed him emotionally and outgrown the relationship. He is sex-obsessed and the relationship is based upon sex now. He does not listen to you or value you enough as a person to try to feed your interests, ambitions, and goals. He doesn't even take you out and have a good time as two people in a relationship. That means he is not a partner in your relationship. He's just there for the booty.
It seems pretty obvious to me that he is oblivious to your feelings and he's satisfied with getting only sexual gratification. Since you're not, I'd say it's time to cut your losses and move on. You need, want, and deserve a real relationship based upon things other than physical urges. You should have a partner in life, not just in sex. Don't settle just because it worked four years ago.
Sabine
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I had a relationship like this when I was 30 and he was 33. I came to the realization that the relationship IS sex. We talked, but it always degenerated into sex...on the phone, into phone sex. We could never share thoughts, feelings, dreams, or even see movies together. I finally ended it.
Before Christmas, I looked him up on the Internet and called to say hello. Now he keeps trying to call me, and guess what?--the conversations start to degenerate into phone sex, until I point it out and tell him I'm not getting into all of that again.
Good luck. I sincerely hope I'm wrong, but it sounds like the same relationship I had, which was a "sexual relationship" period. Gigi
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