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Troubles with a workmate
18/F
Ok I work with Shauna and we have a lot of fun at work. She used to be one of the people, among a few, at work that I work really well as a team with. On days with her, both our performances were up.
She's very attractive by typicals standards; blonde, blue eyed etc. She is also a lesbian, but that doesn't stop her from flirting with men around work for her benefit.
At our work party, I was pretty plastered and I expressed to another workmate about how disgusting it was that she was sleazing around like that and it was degrading to all lesbians everywhere who have to try so hard to gain acceptance etc. She was within hearing range and I knew she was but it didn't stop me from saying it. Later on, I apologized and we laughed it off.
Another coworker approached me yesterday and told me that she's been telling workers that I'm in love with her and am jealous or something of the guys she flirts with. She's keeps hinting at how good we are working together and making crude jokes (jokes we used to make before except now she's more vulgar and specific). She's also told someone else that she wants to ask me out.
Okay, now I don't know what to do. I don't want to hurt her feelings and tell her I'm not a lesbian and what I said at the party didn't mean anything. She has a tendency to take things very personally and not being able to think rationally. She also has a very quick temper. Any advice at all?
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Ignore this lady's crude jokes. Or roll your eyes and glance at her in a disgusted way: show in anyway that you don't think the jokes are funny. You need to show her with your actions that you do not have affections for her that way. Tell people that the rumors are not true at all, and maybe it will get to this workmate of yours.
If that doesn't work, talk to her about a made-up man. Describe him and act like you're lovestruck. Tell her, "You're good at flirting. What do I do to him to attract his attention?" or something. You have to show her that you're a straight person without saying it directly.
Hope I've helped
-Jenny C ♥
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I would leave it be for now. Shauna sounds prickly so if she has something to say to you, let her approach you. If you overhear her saying something inappropriate by all means tell her you find that inappropriate and feel she is taking your friendly joking too far.
It doesn't sound to me, although you may feel differently, that the inappropriate comments she is making (which you have only heard about second-hand) warrant confronting her. She might simply be stirring the pot because your comments hit a nerve and she doesn’t know how to deal with that. She might also be trying to embarrass you in front of co-workers, but those sorts of comments will only make most intelligent people embarrassed on her behalf. The way you describe her, as quite sensitive and a bit emotional, I think this issue might blow over if you simply treat her with respect, but not be overly friendly. Most people put out feelers before they actually jump into asking someone out. If you gently ignore or dismiss her comments or actions towards you that are too intimate (hugging, pecks, inappropriate jokes and comments), she might have the good sense to move on.
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If you want to approach her and talk to her about this, first I'd try apologizing to her for what you said, for saying she sleazed around and all that, and tell her you were drinking and wouldn't have said it otherwise. Tell her that you don't want to offend her, or strain the amicable work relationship that you once had.
If things go well up to that point, then you can segue into what she has been saying that you find vulgar, and if it has to do with the two of you hooking up (and you aren't bi/lesbian and into it) just tell her the two of you aren't going to happen, even though she might very well already know. Just because you two aren't compatible sexually, doesn't mean the two of you can't work together in comfort and friendship.
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