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Unattractive Relationship Material?
Ok, summary. I'm 23 years old, smart, mature, grounded, and I think I'm pretty and have a great sense of humor. The problem is I have such a hard time attracting guys. I could be thinner...but what I don't understand is, I have a friend who's younger than me by a couple of years and it's like she jumps from one guy to the next.
We're a lot alike, except I'm not really into the partying scene anymore and I don't have a lot of baggage as far as my past goes. It's pretty clean, cut, 2 serious boyfriends and that's it. She has a lot of baggage. Am I doing something wrong?
She's my friend and I think she's great, but I'm just confused as to what she's got that I don't. I personally (and I'm not the only one) don't think she's prettier than I am. I know she's got more confidence than I do. But I'm not the kind of person to just walk in and be all up in someone's face, I'm very down-to-earth and laid back. She's still in the partying scene, while I'm getting out of that and I'm wanting to find a relationship that's not all about partying. Am I lacking an important relationship quality?
I'm in college, work full-time (Monday-Friday), go to church, outgoing, friendly, good sense of humor...
Someone help me because I'm really beginning to second guess myself.
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You don't really want what she has and you know it. Be patient, and continue to be yourself. Baggage, going through a thousand guys, and partying is not for you, and will not bring you happiness. The kind of guys she is attracting are not the ones for you either. It may take you longer to find the quality man you are seeking, so do not lower your standards in the meantime to get a cheap version of what you really want. Start hanging out with people who are more on your level of maturity and you may find yourself among guys that interest you and can see you as the quality woman that you are. Being selective means you will have a harder time, because it is more rare, but worth every moment of patience.
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First of all, never think that anything is wrong with you. You are perfect the way that you are. I want you to always remember that. As for guys, well...I am not sure. Are you friends with a lot of guys? You might just be overlooking someone that is madly in love with you. If not, then your right guy just hasn't come along. Which is fine, because this gives you more time to enjoy life. I am having a hard time with this saying at the moment, "the right guy will come along when you least expect it". But the problem with this saying, is that you want to think that you are not expecting it, but you truly are, deep down. It is just built into us woman. The whole "marriage material" thing, well, my guess is that you are very marriage oriented. For example, you want children and look forward to your wedding day. This may also mean that people your age just may not be ready to settle down, have you thought about dating someone older? I don't mean ancient, but a few years older, look for someone with the same hopes and dreams. I hope that everything works out for the best. Good luck.
Jenn
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i suggest doing some volunteer work and/or other activities that are fulfilling. maybe you'll meet a potential significant other while volunteering. Do you see guys in church who catch your eye? try making eye contact and smiling. i wouldn't worry about guys not talking to you at the bar...chances are these guys are less available emotionally and aren't ready to settle down.
you mentioned that you could be thinner and seem less confident than your friend. you may want to join a gym and take some classes there- this is both a good way to gain confidence and meet people.
i consider being marriage material to be a good thing. i'd ask your friend for more feedback as to what he considers dating material. empathize w/ 23 year-old boys...most want sex and will put in the least work necessary. in turn, many give their attention to a wild girl b/c 1. there is less fear of rejection, 2. a greater likelihood that she'll get drunk and give it up and 3. is less work than a girl who happens to be marraige material.
i wouldn't beat myself up about this. perhaps you intimidate these guys.
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Dear Realationship Problem,
First of all never second geuss yourself. There is nothing that she has that you don't. You are bother two seperate people. Just because she has different realtionships than you do doesn't mean that there is something wrong with you. You are just aparently moving on to a more mature stage in your life and you are probably looking for that special realtionship that evolves into marriage. Just wait and someone will come that makes you want to talk to them. It'll be special so just kick back, relax and enjoy the ride.
And remember the best realtionships will come when you least expect it. Trust me i know I met an amazing, he's all i tihnk about at the moment and i met him without even meaning too, and we love eachother deeply.
-Beanie
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Well, maybe you are pretty, but you know, looks aren't everything. Sounds like you look really good, but that's not all that guys look for. I personally don't think it's the baggage that got the guys hooked on her, but her spicy personality. Your friend is a wild party animal, so it's easy for guys to spot her.
I'm not saying, "You should be like her! What are you doing with your butt in front of the computer?! Start partying like you've never partied before!" No. What I'm saying is, maybe you should start approaching the guys. Do something to get their attention, but don't lose your personality. I think guys would like going out with girls like you. The problem is, they don't see you. Show off your beauty without being slutty. Show off your humor without looking like a clown.
Hope I've helped
-Jenny C
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