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Split Family with Wedding Coming
My sister is getting married in Rome next year, but, because our biological mother is hysterical and refuses to be in the same room with our father, he is not invited to the wedding. (My parents split when we were kids and my sister went with our bio-mom and I stayed with dad. They split for several reasons, including bio-mom’s affair. Not that my father is perfect, but he was never abusive or anything that warrants this type of behavior from her. Like I said, she’s hysterical.)
My sister has a great relationship with and loves our father, but he is not invited to the 'big' wedding (in Italy). Instead, my sister wants to have a small civil ceremony with my father (in the US). She asked me to be her maid of honor at her big wedding in Italy, but I don't know if I can go to the wedding if my father is not invited. What do I do???? Please Help!!!!!
At this point, I don't think I can go, but I am afraid of losing my sister. I have no relationship with our biological mother (for reasons like this), and, my sister, who is 30, can not seem to get it together to stand up to her mother. She wants to ensure that there will not be any problems at her wedding, that is why she is not inviting my father. I don’t think this is acceptable…am I overreacting? The problem is now compounded by the fact that our uncle (father’s brother) WAS invited and is planning to go to the wedding. I am soooo confused and don’t know what to do. PLEASE… any and all advice is welcomed. I need to know what others (outside of my nutty family) think about this.
Thank you all in advance!!!
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I don’t think you are over-reacting, but you might be getting offended on someone else’s behalf, someone who doesn’t necessarily want nor need you to be: That someone is your Dad.
You haven’t mentioned his feelings on this snub one bit, but I would urge you to not take it upon yourself to punish your sister for a crime against your father if he is willing to be understanding and forgive. Talk to him, and show solidarity with him. If he is accepting of the situation, I would suggest you be as well.
Your sister is taking the easy road and the road of the weak hearted most definitely, but I’m not sure it is fair to expect her to corral a mother who has been allowed to behave this way for years. She is the child, no matter her age. No one can ‘control’ another person, certainly not a selfish hysterical one. Her solution to this problem might not be fair or equitable, it might be incredibly selfish and insensitive, but it’s still the solution she’s chosen.
Talk to your dad before you make any hasty decisions. If you choose not to attend the wedding explain it simply and respectfully to your sister. You don’t need to attack her, just tell her you think she made a mistake and you can’t in good conscience attend without your (and that’s both of yours) father, but you’ll be happy to celebrate with her at the civil ceremony.
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No, you aren't overreacting even a little bit!
Your sister needs to invite dad to the wedding. He is her dad and needs to be there giving her away.
If your mom is not willing or able to put her feelings aside long enough for your dad to be at the wedding, then she needs to stay away. Her choice.
It is your sisters big day. She shouldn't even have to deal with your mom acting like a spoiled child. I'm sorry but that is really selfish of her.
Advise your sister to put someone else in charge of speaking to your mom and advising her dad is invited too. Someone who can tell her to stop neing so selfish and get along at least for one day.
Oh I hope it goes well for your sisters wedding! :)
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