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In your opinion...
This is mostly for the ladies, or the gays pertaining to his or her boyfriend. If you and your boyfriend were messing around and he got hard but couldn't hold an erection for very long or had an orgasm, does it turn you off or make you think less of him to a point where you no longer want to have a relationship with him? (he says that it's not you but just because he's nervous). This is simply just messing around like playing naked no intercourse or anything.
The point is, is that I get really nervous around the guy i'm dating, we're not official but we've been going out for more than a month now. We have been messing around and I can't seem to hold an erection for very long. I believe it is because I am nervous and have performance anxiety... during the time that we've been dating, I have messed around with other guys that were not looking for relationships and have found that I can hold my erection for quite sometime... I'm really confused because I don't know whether or not it's just there's no physical attraction between us or just because i'm nervous... neither of us have really had a steady relationship or just a steady dating partner... I really don't know what to do and I think it's bothering him more than me... Any advice??
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As a bisexual with a boyfriend, I whink I can help a little. Well, first off, I wouldn't care if my boyfriend could get a boner or not while we were just messing around. It isn't really important. I mean, there really isn't a point in being hard if you're not gonna have sex (sorry for being so blunt). I don't care if my boyfriend can or not, and I don't fele offended when he can't. Sometimes we can, sometimes we can't. I don't think it is a very good thing that you are messing around with other guys thoughs. To me, that makes it seems like you may not like him as much as you think you do. I'm sorry, that last part was just my opinion and had nothing to do with your question. Please tell me how things turn out between you and him. Hope this helps.
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As a female who's never actually had a boyfriend, I suppose I can't know for sure how I would feel.
But with an explanation, I'd be fine with it. Probably even without. It will come with time (oh dear, no pun intended), just try to relax and enjoy.
Your boyfriend is male too, so I imagine he probably understands the position you're in even better than I could, or than any female could, as far as that goes.
Maybe the fact that you were messing around with the other guys offered you a certain level of detachment? You're dating this guy, so chances are that you like him a lot, and maybe that in itself makes you more nervous.
Good luck. Give it time, and try not to worry about it too much.
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Hooking up is an exciting thing. Messing around with your boyfriend tends not to be. Try changing the scenery a bit. Be spontaneous. Make it exciting. Get a little kinky. Do some role playing, risk the chance of getting caught, use porn or toys...the list goes on. The most important thing of all - DON'T PLAN IT. Even in your head. Do things at the spur of the moment and don't be afraid to get a little crazy. I think that talking to your boyfriend about it could help. Tell him you're having a bit of performance anxiety. I'm sure he'll understand. If my boyfriend were having trouble I'd want to help him get through it I wouldn't think any less of him or his attraction to me. I'll bet your boyfriend would be more than happy to surprise you with a little sexual spontaneity to get you going. Good luck! :)
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If my boyfriend couldn't get an erection around me, it would probably make me feel pretty bad. But only if he didn't give me an explanation. If you just tell your boyfriend (partner, whatever) that you are nervous, and can't seem to keep an erection, he'll probably understand. Just try to relax around him. I'm sure it's not a burden of physical attraction.
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