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I can't seem to make friends at college
I have been at college for three months now, and I can't seem to make friends. I'm friendly enough and get along well with people in my classes and my roommate, people I see every day. But I haven't made any close friends. I'm very unhappy here. This was my second-choice school to begin with, I only came here because my parents told me that it was too expensive for me to go to my first-choice school. I'm getting top grades in all of my classes, but when I'm not in class or doing work (I also have a job) I feel like there's nothing to do. I'm scared to go out and talk to people - it's so awkward. I don't know how to get people's numbers or make friends. Everyone said that making friends in college would be easy and come naturally, but they're so wrong.
I've gone home almost every weekend to see my boyfriend. (One weekend we went out with my highschool friends, and I plan to meet up with them over Thanksgiving break as well.) I love him dearly and he's my best friend. I could see how this might affect my relationships with people but I also don't think that it's it. For one thing, the reason I'm going home is because I'm so unhappy at college! There's nothing to do here. I missed an audition for a group I wanted to join because I was sick, and I can't pledge to a sorority first semester (though I plan to next semester.) My boyfriend makes friends very easily and though he (like me) puts a lot of time into our relationship - we text constantly, talk online, usually talk on the phone an hour or more a day. Mark is just a naturally friendly guy, everyone likes him (hah, except for my parents). I'm naturally very quiet and shy, until I get to know people - I'm not that way with my close friends. And when I'm with people I know, I relax and am more open and friendly. I made friends in high school... why can't I do it now?
I'm starting to wonder if there's something wrong with me. I have clinical depression, which usually doesn't affect me unless I have my period - I'm on antidepressants and they work well. However I remember one of my friends who also has depression telling me that she has SAD - Social Anxiety Disorder. I wonder if I have that, or something similar - or am I just being stupid? Why can't I seem to handle college? Everyone else can do it, everyone else has at least one friend, SOME friends. I did have some at the beginning that I'd met at orientation, but for no reason that I can figure out (and they haven't offered one) they just stopped calling me and hanging out with me.
I'm not exactly unhappy - I have a great time with my bf on the weekends, and doing so well in school is satisfying, and I plan to transfer to my dream school next year. I am a bit nervous that these problems will follow me though. And when I'm stuck here on the weekends, I'm MISERABLE!! I have nothing to do!
What's wrong with me??
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Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
There's nothing wrong with you. Not everyone is going to like college and not everyone is going to make friends as soon as they get there. Usually it takes time and than friendships form. Some people have a harder time adjusting to college life. They're moving away from their town they have always been in, they're meeting new people and doing new things. Everyone is different and since you're shy it's going to be harder to open up to people and start a friendship. I suggest trying to get over your shyness. Is there any reason why you're shy? Have you always been shy? Is it something you can't help? I suggest trying to open up to people and trying to ask them to do this on the weekend. For example, you have a roommate. Correct? You could always ask her to do something on the weekends. You could simply leave her a note saying, "Do you have anything planned for the weekend? If not, would you like to do something?" Leave her a note when she isn't around, either when she's gone to her classes or gone out. Once you get closer with your roommate, I'm sure she'll introduce you to some friends she has made. Then just go from there.
Maybe since this isn't your first choice school, you're bummed out and taking it out on yourself because you have to go to this school. Just because it's not your first choice, doesn't mean you can't make the best of it. Have an open mind and try to stick this year out. Maybe when you go to the new school next year things will be easier, since this is the school you WANT to be in.
As for you being clinical depression that may have something to do with what is going on. I suggest talking to someone you're close with, a best friend, your boyfriend, a family member, etc. If you really think that it may be that, just go to the doctors to get checked out.
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