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my mother doesn't know the harm she's doing to me
my mother and her big mouth. i'm a sophmore in high school and this has been going on since fourth grade. since then, i've just been fighting this about her as hard as i possibly could, but i don't know how to fight it anymore, because i've run out of ways to do this, i just can't deal with it. when i was little, she use to be one of those really nice moms. also those that would wear a lot of makeup and perfume and she was always so glamorous and happy, despite that she had just gotten a divorce. but i absolutely adored her. an amazing woman, however, she's not that lady anymore. She is in menopause, so she is always, always in a bad mood. Since menopause, that is when the divorce actually hit her. It did not really hit her before because I was very sick as a child, my blood sugar would drop very low and I was constantly in the hospital. She was very worried about me and that was her main priority. but, now, when everything is hitting home for her, I am the one that she pushes all her anger towards, and I find this quite unfair. I don't have any siblings, I don't really have anyone else, so this is taking a tole on me. I know that she has been through a lot, but that is no excuse for her to be directing all her frustrations on me. when she was fifteen years old, with her first boyfriend, she truly adored him, before he passed away after they had been together for about a year. So, now she has it with EVERY guy that knows me. She knows what a first love means to somebody, and she spends her time telling me that i'm a slut because I shouldn't be with my boyfriend, I should be with my first love, who I admit I may feel something for, but he has a girlfriend. I think she also feels upset because she did not get to go to collage. However, she was very successful organizing information in the bank, which computers do now, but she had a very successful job and made good money. but, when she got married and had me, she quit her job because she didn't want to travel. so, since she doesn't have a job and works from home for our family business, she spends her time looking at what I am doing and checks everything that I do from the moment that I wake up and go to sleep and wake up again. she tells me that I am a loser and the only way i will ever get into collage is by being in the school that I am in right now because it is a good school with a "name," u noe? I feel bad because I don't like to be called dumb. I feel that she is taking all of these things out on me and i have no idea what to do or tell her
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I know exactly how you feel. My mom is a lot like this as well.....
About the college.....I wouldn't take it personally. It may seem irritating, but it's because she loves you and she's trying to make sure that her daughter is going to be successful in life. Just roll with it and try to do as best you can in school. If you aced a test, show her.
Did she actually call you dumb to your face? If she did, then that's awful and you need to have someone talk to her about it.
And the boyfriends..........if she's really that annoying, then you should just keep your love life away from her. Simple as that. If she asks about it, just brush it off and mention it in passing, and change the subject.
I think your mother really does mean for the best, though she doesn't show it. The fact that she directs all her frustrations at you is not something you're going to change. At this age, most people's habits are already firmly imprinted, so you'll just have to get used to it. This could be a phase that she's going through because of the menopause, or it may be that her real personality that is showing through. When you were a child, she was there for your to depend on. Now that you're growing up, she's treating you more like she'll treat an adult.
The point of this whole thing is....accept people for who they are. She has her bad side, but you're not going to change it. There's a down side to everything. Just accept that she has bad qualities, and try not to let it get you down.
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Tell her just that. Her remarks are taking their toll on you. Sit and have a great big talk. Tell her you would appreciate it if she would just let you talk before interrupting. Better yet write it in a long letter to her.
Menopause hits a lot of women differently. I didn't have much of a problem with it myself but, I have a sister in law who has become a total nut case.
Some women feel their life is almost over when they go through it. I went through it at a young age so I probably missed a lot of that. That could be what your mom is feeling about herself.
She knows she will never have other children. Even if she didn't want anymore knowing that is a weird feeling. It is pretty final. She may feel she can't find another guy to love because she feels to old. That is untrue though. She has great years ahead!
She could also take a few college classes if she wanted. Doesn't even have to be anything to get a degree with. She should take something just to be around people and have something to be involved with. Something that would make her job easier or get her a better job. No degree needed just some computer skills classes or maybe just something fun.
If she can just get a more active social life herself, she will be more apt to leave yours alone. Encourage her to get out and enjoy her life. I think that is what she is needing.
Good luck. :)
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