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Family doesn't help out on Holiday Meals
I have 3 sisters and 1 brother, we are all over the age of 40, and except for me, nobody has small kids anymore.
In general we all take turns in hosting the various Holiday Meals (as our parents are no longer alive). When it is my turn, invariably my wife and I do virtually all of the cleanup of the dishes etc. In other words, my family doesn't help out in the clean-up. However, when it is my sister's turn (my brother doesn't host as he lives out of state), I always lend a hand in cleaning-up.
Now, one of my sisters wants to host Thanksgiving Dinner, this will be the first time that she is hosting (in the past, my parents were the host). She has stated that she will need help in cleaning up. Do I take this opportunity to mention that nobody helps me in cleaning up? or do I just help out and say nothing? or any other ideas?
Thanks
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My family goes through the same ordeal on holiday meals. Its at the point that really only one family actually wants to host, and my aunt is a masochist when it comes to hosting so she doesnt care.
I don't know that I would come right out and mention that no one helps you when you host(Though I would WANT to personally), as it might come off as petulant and whiny to everyone else, even though it isn't and its simply the truth. I would probably bide my time until someone were to make the suggestion that you host again, or ask you why you haven't recently.....and then make the statement that you and your wife simply do not want to go through the cleanup alone.
Another route to go, is that in response to your sister asking for help cleaning up, you say something to the effect of "Sure, as long as you can give us a hand when its our turn". That might at least get your sister to reflect on the fact that you have recieved no help in the past.
One question I do have, is that in the past when you hosted, did you ask family to help clean up? If not, you could be in for the old "All you had to do was ask, we would have helped". I know that sounds somewhat silly, especially if you think that you shouldn't have to ask in the first place (an offer is at least expected in my family, though its just a token and usually refused) but by not asking (and not making an issue of it) you might have been giving your relatives an 'out' so to speak, when they are stuffed from eating and honestly dont really want to help, if they can avoid it. By asking as your sister has done, people are now in a position where they do not want to seem ungrateful and very well might help, even though they might rather go watch the football game or simply go home.
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Help her clear up and when it comes to your turn, ask generally if anyone would mind helping you clear up in the kitchen. If they do not offer, remind them that you have helped them before, and if you still have no success, then i suggest you dont host them anymore. They will soon get the point. Best of luck xxxx
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