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At Deaths backdoor
The other day, i went to a funeral for a person i was friends with a few years ago. we lost contact, btu i felt i shoudl go, and say goodbye. i went with a girl i knew, and who had survived cancer. until about 2 weeks ago, she was given about six weeks to live. I felt so bad because i really cared for this girl, and i felt bad because while i was at the funeral, i felt liek "i'm glad it's not her funeral". I want to ask her out, btu i don't feel like it's an appropriate time.
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Ask her gently if she would like to go out.
There may not be a more appropriate time than now to go out with her.
If you're not sure what she needs, ask her how you can help.
If you are sure what she needs, ask her if she would like you to do that.
You may not be able to change the outcome of her diagnosis, but love and laughter are some of the ingredients of the best chances she has, and will certainly improve the quality of life that she has.
Do follow through. Do not offer or promise something, and then not show up.
Most people have difficulty talking with or knowing how to address the needs of someone who is very ill or dying.
The keys are to ask ...
ask the person if they would like help.
ask the people caring for the person how you could help
ask the person how you could help.
these are skills that become more frequently needed as we get older.
Luyah
PS: my suggestions above assume that she is telling the truth about her illness. I do know of people who lie about or exagerate illness and other alarming 'facts' in their life to get attention or to cover for other problems that they're having difficulty confronting.
A very sensitive, balanced, and informative action on your part would be to talk with one of her parents or a relative or caregiver, expressing your concern, and requesting their permission to spend a little time with her.
If she is in fact ill, offering to visit her and play some non-stressful family-friendly games at their home would be reassuring to her parents, and would not detract from limited time they have with her.
If she is faking it, take a deep breath and learn from the experience. You may want to decide to continue associting with her and help her find ways to establish self-esteem and develop life skills so that she doesn't have to artificially use shock value to get attention. Or you may want to distance yourself, or some combination of both.
In any event, don't be overly hard on yourself. You have a wonderful opportunity to find out more about life, love/friendship, and communication skills. Whether she is ill or faking, you have an extreme situation - these can be difficult to handle perfectly. Just do your best, and i encourage you to keep asking for advice if you get stuck trying to figure out your next move.
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make her happy before she has to go.
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