|
My Boyfriend In The Army & Baby On The Way
Okay,
So, my boyfriend, Craig, enrolled in the army about 6 months ago, and left right away for Iraq. Well, a month after he left, I went to a party with a couple of girlfriends. Some man put a drug in my drink, and I passed out on the couch. The man picked me up and took me to a back room and raped me. I ended up getting pregnant, and sine i am pro-life I did not and will not abort the baby. After 5 months of pregnancy, my boyfriend came home and rang my doorbell. When I answered, he saw that I was pregnant and took off.
Now, he won't talk to me, answer any messages on myspace, answer my phone calls or anything!!
what do i do?
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
He went to Iraq, and was back in 6 months?!? Lol, there are probably guys lined up for that short of a tour...
Weeeell...people are saying that he is being immature, but remember that in the Army its legendary (seriously) to have women cheat on the soldiers while they are away. I mean, they have SONGS about it, cadence calls they march to, stories about it. I'm sure he has heard horror stories, I sure did when I was in the Army, and for him to come back and - 'surprise!' - find you pregnant, well, it doesn't look good.
I am going to tell you this solely so you understand the mindset. When I first joined the military, a few guys told me when we went out, that if I wanted to 'hook up' on a regular basis, I needed to go down a pawn shop and buy a wedding band. Then I needed to wear it enough to get a tanline, then go out to the bars. You see, many women cheat on their husbands/BF's in the military (its not just on TV, being away for a year can be lonely), and they DONT want a single guy because they can get clingy and cause problems...they just want someone else who is married thinking that it will be one night only and neither side will get back in touch. And sadly enough, in my years in the Army, I actually saw this work.
Off topic possibly, but my point is that in the military there is a sense among the servicemen that women, all too often, simply aren't all that trustworthy. Fair? No, of COURSE not, but if this guy is in the Army, you need to realize this. And if he goes to his unit and mentions this, he will be buried under cries of "I told you so" and "Dude, thats the way it is".
Not only should you have gone to the police for reasons other people have already mentioned, but also for him. See, if you had gone to the police, and this was sorted out and 'official' so to speak, he might believe that this happened. As it stands now, you stand a very good chance of him simply thinking you slept around, and that anything you tell him about being 'raped' is simply a convenient cover story. I'm sorry this answer sounds so harsh, but again...this is a distinct possibility.
But anyways, I'm sure you are more interested in getting him to talk to you again rather than hearing all the "You shouldas". First, keep trying to call him. Second, WRITE HIM A LETTER and explain in detail what happened, and that you would like to talk to him. Third, talk to his parents, explain to them the situation (and make DAMN sure that its clear you aren't trying to trap him with a child!), and if his parents are willing they might talk to him. Fourth, try to find out where he is stationed at now, his unit, contact info, etc. If he is enlisted (E1 to E4), try to get in contact with his 1st Sgt. (by mail if overseas, otherwise by phone stateside), sometimes you can explain the problem and they can have a "Look, talk to the girl, dumbass" discussion (happens a lot). And if he is enlisted, chances are he will do exactly what the 1st Sgt. advises, lest he run the risk of "Pissing the Old Man off". Fifth, remember that if you CAN get this guy to talk to you, remember to avoid anything that could appear like you are trying to entrap him with a child, this happens, like it or not. And 6th, look out for yourself...if you are feeling depressed or have bad thoughts, try to get some counseling and/or people to talk to. This isn't easy, but it isn't the end of the world either.
Its going to be tough, don't kid yourself. But whatever you do, dont try the whole "No its your child" and just say its 6 months along not 5.
If you have any more questions, you can shoot me an E-Mail at Erronius@Hotmail.com, and I'll try to answer as best I can. Sorry this is so long, but this is a complicated situation (and probably more common than you imagine).
]
First things first: thank you for not choosing abortion!
Second thing, did you report this to the police? You really should have if you haven't. You don't want that to happen to another person you know or don't know. Either way by not reporting this, you're letting a rapist lose.
Third thing--do not try to sort this complicated thing out by the phone, internet, anything but face to face in person.
I understand that he was the immature one wlaking out like that without letting you explain and not facing the problem and running away from it.
Tell a really good friend of his what happened. Explain the situation to him first. Have that good friend call your boyfriend and tell him to meet him somewhere. And instead of his friend going there, you should go or that friend can leave when you arrive there. Key point: be alone together. Tell him that you really want to explain and that you can't deal with losing a person you love.
Incase he doesn't want to hear what you have to say and takes off, prepare a note you wrote. Explain everything in a calm manner on that piece of paper and give it to him before he gets a chance to leave.
If he doesn't leave GREAT. Talk to him calmly and gently. Hope everything works out perfectly well and I am happy about the part where you are against abortion.
]
you poor thing alright you have to be strong about this all the way if you cant get a hold of him atall i mean even going to his house then get one of his friends or one of your friends to tell him everything and if he is still giving you the childish cold shoulder then confront him for the last time and tell him tht he is a child and that he isnt a man atall and if he really loved you he wud stick by you through the whole way and he didnt so you dont need or want him nemore thats what you do and if you cant confront him forget him you dont need someone holdin you down makin u feel awful about sumthin you didnt do or wasnt your fault you dont need a guy like him if he denies you
]
oh dear. Did you report to the police bout this? I really think you should if you haven't.
Give him time cool down. Don't keep hankering after him cos he's avoiding you now and he might get really pissed cos your relationship with him is really raw now. I know it's very upsetting for you but don't try to explain yourself to him for now. He's just too hot headed and I dun think he's ready to let reality sink in yet.
Meanwhile, maybe you could tell your close friends or family bout this? Getting a lot of support is what you really need now.
I may not be mature enough to handle this question but I really hope I did help a little.
]
More Questions: |