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One Sided Friendship and Hurt Feelings.
Patty and I have been friends for many many years. More than most of you have been alive! When we are together we have a great time, or at least I think we are having a great time. It's a fact that we both have always led busy lives. It seems that if I didn't make an effort to nuture the friendship we'd probably talk or see each other very little. At one point I got tired of being the one to invite, and wait for an answer or wait for the phone calls that never came, so I backed off. I was getting mixed signals, and thought perhaps she wanted distance. From time to time I rekindle the friendship, only because I miss her and I miss the good times that we had, I do really enjoy our conversations and the company. I may be wrong, but I feel like Patty takes my friendship for granted. I may have allowed that because I don't like to sound childish or petty. I always accept whatever apology or excuse she has for not reciprocating, and tell her it's okay and that I understand. When the truth is, usually I don't understand. It's not like me to be rude or unforgiving, but the one-sidedness hurts me deeply. I have tried to discuss this with her, and it is obvious that she doesn't see it the way I do, and I have never wanted to put our friendship at risk of dissolving completely. Talking about it is really not an option here, because I know she will say what she is doing is not intentional, and maybe it isn't, but it still hurts. My question: Do I cut off all contact and move on with my life? Or should I just be a casual part time friend? Either way will hurt me, but I am hurting now, so what is the difference?
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im in a friendship at the moment where im going through the same exact thing.
you really got to ask yourself if you love her and what your going through will be worth it in the long run. see with me when i get that one-sidedness, yes it does hurt me just as deeply, but ive come to realize its just who she is and there wont be many friends who can be what me and you are to them. We may never know what that love feels like for us because we are their angels. someone who is always gonna be there, to forgive right at that moment you hear sorry, to make them happy when the world around them isnt.
i dont know if your the same but to me i couldnt see my world without her and i get a feeling that sometimes she could.
there were times i would confront her about our friendship and where its going and why i cant get that attention that i think i deserve. the moments i would do that she would get frustrated with me and tell me im crazy and she cant take how emotional i get and ask if i know her at all.
so yes i know where your coming from totally, but if she makes you happy more overall dont loss it...because she may need you more than she knows and it will only be until its gone when she realizes what you did for her and what you put up with that some other friend couldnt stand.
its just called love and some are blessed with it more then others.
if you told her already how it makes you feel then she will always give you that same answer, that she doesnt see it the same way you do but i see it exactly how you do because ive been through it.
i also hurt at this moment you do because i asked her who she would cry over if she lost them?? i was told today the only people she would cry over is her husband and her boy...so it makes me think im something she will get over and move on with...so that breaks my heart because its not how i would feel if i was asked that question. she is and will always be a part of my life no matter if shes not physically in it anymore...
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Well since you're aware you're going to hurt either way, that's good. People always find there's some easy way out where nobody get hurts. But I suggest you don't break off all contact. I mean, you love hanging with her, she loves hanging with you, why stop all the good times from coming?
Just have her as a casual friend. Just because you guys don't hang out all the time, doesn't mean you still can't be best friends. Just try and call her inbetween whenever she has plans or is getting ready to go somewhere or text her so you can at least talk to her a little bit before she's busy or your busy. And just try and make plans with her still every now and then. And then if she wants to hang out with you more than you're planning to, she can call YOU then and make the rest of the plans. Sometimes that can happen. I wouldn't take it as an insult or anything. Sometimes a friendship lasts so long they don't realize anymore how amazing it is and they feel they don't need to worry as much about making plans alot and everything as people would with a brand new friendship.
So like I said, just keep it a casual friendship and enjoy the times you guys DO have together.
I hope I helped.
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Cut off all contact? No way! You have high standards and that is not a bad thing, until you start expecting them from others. We all are busy, and that is never an excuse, but she really does not need to keep apologizing for being who she is. Even if she is a little flaky, she still loves to hang out with you. Don't drive her away with wasting what time you do get-together by trying to guilt her with your hurt feelings. She is not you, she is a person with different strengths and weaknesses...no better, but no worse either. Do not take her flakiness personally! What if everyone took all your human flaws personally and did not want to hang with you, because you did not measure up. You need to make a decision. Choose to hang on to hurt feelings, and lose a good friend, or accept her for who she is, flakiness and all and let her off the high pedastal of who you wish she was. You and she will have a lot more fun when you do get-together!
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