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My miserable breaking heart...
I've been with Mark for over 3 years, we've lived together for 2 1/2. Lately, I've been changing things in my life. I've applied for college, I'm getting a new job, its like a new chapter in my life after a year of being stuck at home, miserable and feeling like I'd lost myself. I've been questioning our relationship for awhile now, and we've talked about it. He's even agreed to go to therapy with me to figure it all out. He's wonderful. Great personality, makes me laugh. He's completely devoted to me. But we're both realizing that we don't really have anything in common, as far as hobbies, where we go out, etc. Maybe we're just not comprimising anymore. A normal weekend involves me going out to the clubs with my friends (I love to dance and yes, I'm a social drinker, he HATES both) and he goes out with his (to movies and book stores). We don't see each other. I love to go hiking and other outdoorsy things, he hates it. He'll try to make me happy and go anyway but its just OK because I can tell that he's not having fun. And I don't pretend to enjoy Toys R Us. Our sex life is non- existant. I feel like I'm not attracted to him physically anymore. Like maybe we're not sexually compatible anymore? Is that possible? Sex is very important to us and should be, I know we feel less close because of this. The thing that confuses me is, when we got together, this was a non issue. Don't get me wrong, he's NOT a beast, he's cute, but I guess you could say his personality is what got me. Thats how its always been with me, I'm much more about personality, which is why I can't figure out what my problem is.
I was happier then, we were happier 2 years ago. I think maybe I'm dependent on him, or comfortable and don't want to lose his huge part in my life. I have friends, but not good friends I can talk to about this, I don't know that I would if I did, things like this are so personal to us. He's the only person I share everything with and I get panicky when I think of not having him. He's my best friend and I love him, but don't know if I'm in love with him, as they say. He knows this, and I'm sure it tears him down, walking around wondering if I'm really in love with him. He wonders why I won't let him touch me. He thinks I think he's disgusting or something and this whole thing breaks my heart. I care about him so much and don't want to hurt him and turn our lives upside down. We've acheived so much together. We've got pets together, a car, a home...
I'm hurting him anyway I know. I'm afraid that I'll leave him and that that will be the biggest mistake of my life. Mark wouldn't take me back and I'll have lost him forever over something shallow like physical attractiveness or hobbies or because he's not the life of the party I wish he were. But he's not giving me ultimatums or getting upset with me. If we have a serious relationship discussion one night, the next day, he pretends like it didn't happen. Mark pretends a lot of whats going on isn't really. I don't know how to work on us, most of the time I don't know if I even want to. I think alot about being single, on my own again. When I think about working it out with him, I'm a little disappointed. But when I think of not being able to talk to him whenever, hug him, laugh with him, I cry and cry and get anxious and sick. I hate to think that he thinks he's done something wrong. This was too long a long time ago and I'm sorry. Please someone tell me, does this relationship sound like its over? Thank you.
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It sounds like what i went through. I was married for 8yrs(got married at 17). Just divorced in Feb this year. It was the same exact situation. So, i chose to leave. Since then i have found that i was too dependant on him and now that makes it harder for me on my own. But the problem was, he allowed it from the time that i was 15(when him and i met in high school). I broke his heart. It was the hardest thing i have ever gone through and a lot of times, i wish i never did it. So, seeing that you sound a lot like me. If there is no compromise in your relationship.....it may very well come to its demise. I know it sounds like i rambled on about myself but i was just trying to show you that i can relate to your situation. If you truly love someone, you cant leave them.
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We can't have it both ways my dear. You need to decide if your life would be better with or without him in it. Do you like the idea of new possibilites in partners or do you want to make a commitment to this guy? Every break up rips apart all that you have built together, and it is hard no matter what, but it may be better to get it over with now, rather than five years from now. The funny thing is that unless you really are growing apart and changing, both of you will probably end up with similar partners and wind up in the same boat. You need clarity; and a break before an actual break-up, might do the trick! Go on a little vacation solo or stay with a girlfriend for a week. Do you miss him or are you enjoying the fresh air? Time and Distance will reveal all.
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wow that sounds horrible! i went through something similar my boyfriend for over a year and i had nothing in common and i was in love with him but i fell out of love and i just liked him as a friend. we broke up and i felt so lonely i wanted to be back with him. then i got closure and i felt so much better. i needed to tell him that i still loved him and cared about him but i wasnt in love with him anymore and it wasnt fair to him to have me lead him on like that. after i told him all of that i felt so much better. we dont talk much anymore but were still friends, i think thats what you should do.
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