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Self esteem?
If you wanna just skip all this and get to the question, Then look at the very bottom.
Okay, I really didn't know what category to put all this under, because it's a variety of issues I'm having, yet it basically all comes down to one thing, Self-esteem.
This might be long, so I'm sorry, in advance, if you get a little confused. But to me there is no way for me to make this any less complicated unless I type out the WHOLE thing.
I have a weight issue, and this is where it all started, In 8th grade. [I'm in 10th now] I've been chubby all my life..starting from 3rd grade, & I had been dancing up until 2 years ago. Well, getting to the main point.. I was 4'11 and weighed about 118, and I was really er..chubby. That was until 8th grade, I got taller..about 5'4, and weighed the same. When I had returned back to school, I had gotten lots of compliments on my appearance and that it looked like I had lost alot of weight. Which wasn't really the case, but it dawned on me that I liked hearing these compliments, [who doesn't?] and I wanted more, so I started going days without eating, and exercising. Now, Before that, My best friend since 4th grade, was practically my "sister". I was ALWAYS at her house whenever I had the chance, which was pretty much every weekend. We always hung out, but when I stopped eating I started losing interest in socializing, and about the middle of 8th grade, we didn't hang out as much..and we hardly talked. I was obsessed with wanting to lose weight, and I'd get upset and hurt myself if I ate that day or even gained weight. I've always been a quiet person, and this really didn't help. Now, I'm always worrying about my appearance, & I can't seem to make any new friends because I'm so worried about what they'll think of me, not to mention I've "reunited"? with my best friend from 4th grade, after us fighting because of some lame loser she was 'friends' with. I've lost most of the friends I've had from dance because I quit. I've told my mom I lost interest in dancing, But I didn't. I couldn't stand the fact that I looked fat in my costumes.
I don't mean to tell a story or anything, But the reason why I'm writing is, I can't take it anymore. My dad constantly puts me down, telling me I look fat, and that I'm ugly, and going through my clothes saying this-or-that is too small for me, then tries to throw it away.I'm tired of always feeling like crap about my appearance, and constantly worrying about if I look fat in my clothes. I probably go out in public once, maybe twice a year since then. My best friend is really tiny, she's about 5'5 and weighs 96 pounds, maybe. So I feel really self conscious when I'm around her. She's lost about 11 pounds in the past year or so. So I wonder maybe she has the same weight issue, too? Anyways, I've tried eating healthy, but everytime I eat I go into this breakdown. I can't say I've actually had a bf, maybe long distance..but that's about it. & I'm not saying I want a boyfriend, but lately I've been feeling like I'm missing out on being a teenager. I always see these girls talking and flirting with guys, and I get jealous. I want to be able to talk to a guy without wondering whether he thinks I look fat, or ugly. & of course everyone wonders about that stuff, and I'm positive people are in the same situation I'm in. I just want to know what I could possibly do to help me raise my self-esteem.
Please don't say anything like try talking to my parents about my feelings, or a school counselor, anybody like that.
I'd just like to know some ways that some of you increase your self-esteem. Like what gets rid of your stress, or some things you do that take your mind off things, anything around those areas..
Once again, sorry if this is long and confusing.
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Want to answer more questions in the Health & Fitness category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Mental health?
1. Take a good look at yourself and write down all those things you are good at or were good at if you don't do them anymore.
2. You are not over weight but if you stop eating you will become under weight. This will effect your chances of having kids, your skin, nails hair etc - not good. have a look on an anorexic website at the images - is skinny really that attractive?
3. Your dad is not helping at all, is he saying you are fat to tease you or is he saying it to be cruel? If it is to be cruel and you feel you can stand up to him. Tell him not to do it. If he's teasing tell him it hurts your feelings and if that's the best he can come up with, than not to bother talking to you.
As you get older people will grow with you and realise that it's not just looks that matter. However when you are young image is everything. But so is your sanity. Think about what it would be like if you didn't starve yourself and you went back to dancing (you can't dance with no energy). What would you be like? Try it for a morning - think of the end result, you would be happier, wouldn't feel hungry all the time, would be doing something you love, have energy etc.
Loook around you - people like other people who are true to themselves. You sound like an intelligent young person and talented to boot. Don't let people push you into being who you are not, find the strength to like who you are!
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I know exactly how you feel. I've been doing karate for 7 years now... and I weigh 185 pounds. All my friends are really tiny, and my parents are always telling me how fat I am.
There's no point in trying to lose weight to please people. You're active and healthy, and it doesn't matter what other people think. I know it's hard to believe when you're in high school and everything is based on appearances, but it's true.
I found that pouring myself into karate really helped me with my self-esteem. Volunteer work is also a great way to feel good about yourself. It's not what's on the outside, it's what's on the inside that counts!
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well.
I tap dance.
I just started last week, but it makes me really glad for thursday nights when I have lessons. and I'm not a stick-thin dancer. every time I think of myself as "fat" I think, "I'm a little chunky, and that's okay. I'm still beautiful." now then. I don't plan on dancing in the recitals so I don't plan on ever wearing a silly dance costume (and if I did, I'd end up making it on my own because that's what I do best). if I get stressed out doing something I just get away from it and listen to some tap dancing or sew in my sewing room. or I doodle or go through antique buttons. I realize that what I'm going through is not something exactly unique and I write it all out and later write a poem based on it. and then I go to slams and people relate to what I go through which really helped me get through my grandpa dying.
I accept that I'm not unique at all and I use my averageness to tell other people that they're exactly the same as any other kid in the world today and that everyone's got some sort of hang-up makes everyone feel a little bit better.
so, just do what you see as your best thing that you feel like you could do for days. make sound effect tapes, play the tamborine, count pennies, bake bread, play with dolls, take a day off to plant trees or bury little rocks and pretend like they're magical trees. be utterly five years old and don't let anyone stop you from doing it because they're just mad that they can't be comfortable enough to do it, too.
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