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Hey Dilemma!
Here's the situation, me and this guy have been going steady for 4 weeks, we've been on 3 dates he lives 30 minutes away we met on myspace and I guess you could say that we're both "interested" in eachother. The problem is that I feel like I want this relationship more than he does. It seems as if i'm always the one who makes plans for us to go do something and I feel that he holds no initiative when it comes to us. It is both our first time in a male-male relationship and yet I feel like i'm more ready for an "us" than he is and when I asked him where he thinks this relationship is going all I get are "idk" and "wherever 'we' want it to go" which I think is very cliche. Also, i'm out to most my friends and family and he is getting there he just hasn't told his mother, however, some parts of his immediate family like his older sister and brothers want to change him and make him "straight." Amongst that whenever I want to come over to his house when he's feeling down he won't let me and keeps me at a distance and it just bugs the hell out of me. Also, we talked last night on AIM and it basically killed me talking to him because I'm just so confused about "us" so I told him that I was depressed (which I was do to him and just pondering about "us") and I started to cry... well I told him that and just ended the conversation by saying," I can't take this I just can't." Then I signed off and cried myself to sleep and he knew I was crying and still he didn't try and call me to cheer me up... All he did was just message me on myspace and was like, "I know our last date didn't turn out very well, but me and Stephanie were planning on watching a movie on Thursday and I was wondering if you wanted to come." I just don't know what I should do because everytime he plans a date it's always with one of his friends and it makes me feel just like another friend. So the question I keep asking myself is whether or not the only reason why i'm keeping him is because I like the idea of saying that I have a boyfriend as opposed to actually having a boyfriend... if that makes any sense. Thanks if you can help me out and sorry this quesiton was so long.
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i agree that maybe he's just not ready for his first male-male relationship to become an actual relationship. he's still dealing with who he is, and being accepted for who he is. give it some more time, and if things don't change, talk to him. he might have some problems with committing too, so maybe thats why he's holding back. maybe he hasn't fully accepted who he is, or maybe he still isn't sure. it could be any number of things, and your best bet is to just tell him how you feel, face to face, or on the phone. maybe you could let him read your question..he might not even be aware of how hurt you really are. often, things that are so clear to us can go unnoticed by our loved ones. so don't overreact, don't get too attached, and just take it day by day. good luck! i really hope things work out for you.
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Ok, you really have to put yourself in his shoes. He hasn't come out fully yet and he trying this new thing out. He just may not be ready for a full out relationship. He might want to try out the waters of this lifestyle. Try not to pressure him. Take it day by day and just enjoy what you have. It sounds like you don't care whose there just as long as someone is. Do you think yopur the right onw for him. Step back and see the big picture. Hope that helps
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Even though you have tried to tell this guy how you feel and he didn't respond the way you wanted him to, maybe you could try to tell him one more time and if he doesn't care or seems like he is putting you to the side then maybe you should just be friends and search for a better relationships and people who like the same things in a relationship as u do!
~Erin (fargo)
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Awww, that is so sad. I'm sorry you feel that way... This situation is a toughy. He is probably putting it off for the fact that like you said, he hasn't really come out to everyone and for the reason of his family wants him to be straight. I know its hard but just give him some time because if its both of your first male-male relationships it might be weird for him to get used to. Just give him some time. Tell him that if he needs to talk with you about ANYTHING let him know you are there for him. If it's meant to be it will go according to plan.
I hope you get the best out of this situation!<3
Love always, Abby
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