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The secret, the divorce, the pain
My husband and I are divorcing over the fact that I wasn't a virgin when we got married, 5 years ago. Back when we were dating, I'd cheated on him and fooled around with another guy. I hated myself for it so I couldn't bring myself to tell him. Now one of my friends told him and he got so mad. I'd tried to explain why I didn't want to bring it up, but he was too hurt to care. We've tried to talk about it several times, but it only made both of us hurt worse. So now we're getting a divorce and we've agreed not to see or speak to each other anymore, which sucks because we know we're still in love with each other. It's just too painful... As if that's not bad enough, I just found out I'm pregnant. What the hell do I do? I don't know if I could contact him even if I wanted too. I'm scared. Please give me words of wisdom!
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You have to tell him about the baby (assuming it's his) but never ever expect to get back together or build a relationship for the sake of a child. It leads to nothing but unhappiness and resentment, between you and your husband and you child will feel this as well as they grow up. I'm sorry your marriage is breking up, it must be so hard, and the baby will make it much harder. Maybe you guys can work it out, that is certainly possible and optimal, but not just because of the baby. Have you considered seeing a counselor?
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no matter what you still need to tell him maybe it might help things! Hope i helped
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Well i think that if he truly loves you that he should be a bit more open minded about talking to you about the situation. You messed up and cheated yes but gettting a divorce after so long doesn't seem fare to both of you. And agreeing not to talk to eachother because of that is a mistake on both your parts. I think that you need not to live up to that end of the bargian especially if you are pregnant. Hurt or not he has a child coming into this world that will be his forever wether he likes it or not. Even if he is to stay away eventually that child will look for him and he will have to answer to it, and so will you. I think that you need to call him and tell him that you admitt to your mistake instead of trying to explain what you did just tell him that you did and that you were wrong. Admitting that you had a fault is better than saying i'm sorry. Sorry does not fix the damage done. That should atleast get you a foot in the door to continue a conversation with him. Then tell him that you will be having a divorce yes but there is somehing that he needs to be aware of before court. Then go ahead and let him now that he is a father. He does have a right to know. From there the conversation will depend on wether or not you allow yourself to get upset over what might be said. Just let him speak his mind and remind him that he is a father and that you can do it alone if you have to but it's not fare to the baby. It doesn't matter anymore what is fare to the two of you.
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Write him. Tell him everything you have always wanted to tell him. It is much easier than talking. He won't interrupt your train of thought, he won't get you off the subject with an argument. Its just you and the paper, computer, whatever you want to write on.
Tell him you want to get together and talk about it after he has read it. Maybe he needs to write you as well.
Then, when you get together to talk about it really talk. He will know what you want for the future and will have had time to think about it.
Hopefully to the point where no arguing will be necessary.
Then, AFTER you have discussed the other issues that have you separated and hopefully a decision is made to try again, tell him about the baby. If he does come back, you want to know it is for you. The baby will be a bonus. If you tell of the baby first then you will never know if he would have come back otherwise and it will bother you in the future.
Good luck. I hope it works out the way you want it to. :)
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