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turning him down
This boy asked me to dance at prom (about 1 or 2 months ago). I said yes to be nice, but I really don't like him like that. However, he then tried to follow me around the entire night, always trying to dance with me the whole time. After that we never talked (which, not to be mean, but I was kind of glad about). However apparently his friend got my number from facebook & left me some message, then he called me back to apologize. Then I just went on facebook & under "Status" for his friend it says he is helping the boy try to get a girl. Obviously this is me, since the message was about some date. Basically now I want to know how to turn down this boy without hurting him, in a respectful manner. I honestly do not want to date him, but I am sort of a sensitive person, so I do not want to be mean myself. How do I go about saying no if he does call for a date? (female, 17 years old).
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we all know that when it comes to dating that sometimes we have to be harsh sometimes personally i would tell them im sorry but i have a boyfriend. if you use this excuse do not ever implie that it could happen. if thats not true then say im not wanting in a relationship right now and on this one you have to say it like your heart has been broken and you coud go with the popular no thank you.your just not my type that always works for me. Well i hope i have helped. write me and tell me if it helped. Signed Speedy0301 Goodluck !**
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In retrospect you realize you shouldn't have gone with him. If you aren't interested in him and he is interested in you it is not a nice thing to do. Ignoring him the entire night was not a nice thing either. When you are on a date, especially a prom where the guy goes to a lot of trouble it is your responsibility to stay with your date during the dance and dance with him. It sounds like he was doing what he was supposed to do. If I found my daughter treated a date this way she would have been in trouble for being rude (if the young man crossed a line then she knows she can be as rude as she needs to be to get the situation under control before she calls me to come and pick her up. When you go out with someone you are obliging yourself to act in a certain manner and to be attentive to your date until the end of the event. Your actions at the dance do not sound like those of a sensitive person and do in fact sound kind of mean. It makes me wonder if you just don't want to face the unpleasant task of letting the young man know how you feel. A truly caring and sensitive person will know the kindest thing you can do is to be honest and tell him you are very touched by his feelings but you don't have those kind of feelings for him and he deserves someone who is capable of caring for him in a loving and attentive way. He needs to be with someone who not only makes him happy but who is happy to be with him. Frankly he would be miserable with you and needs to know that.
I have been in your situation at your age and know it does no one any good to hide behind fake feelings of sensitivity. Give the guy a chance to find someone worthy of him.
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With all due respect to the previous responder... the last thing you should say is "Let's just be friends." That's a really tired cliche, and besides it's usually a lie. Not one single girl who ever said that to me treated me as a friend afterward; it's just a euphamism for "Leave me alone." It's dishonest and therefore disrespectful.
What works better is simple, straightforward honesty. If he calls asking you for a date, tell him politely but firmly, "I think that you're looking for a romantic relationship, and honestly, it's not something I can give you. I just don't feel that way. I don't think it would be fair for me to get your hopes up when in the end it won't work out." If he asks why it won't work out, just tell him that you can't make yourself feel something that isn't there. This places the blame on you instead of him, and makes it easier to take.
Try to resist saying things like "you're a great guy" and "I'm sure you'll find someone." These phrases are patronizing and will sound false (he'll be thinking, "If I'm so great, why won't you go out with me?"). There's no way around the fact that he'll be a LITTLE hurt, but you can minimize it by being quick about it. If one must pull a tooth, it is mistaken kindness to pull it slowly.
If he grows persistent, then go ahead and be abrupt. This is another reason why "let's be friends" doesn't work; he might actually think you mean it, and start hanging out with you as a friend. I get the idea that you'd rather he not do that either.
There's nothing wrong with not wanting to date someone, or even not wanting to be friends with them. But everyone deserves the respect that comes with honesty.
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If he calls for a date you can just say, "sure i would love to go. you know what? you are seriously a great friend. i am so happy to have a friend like you who. Alot of guys I know just want to be more than friends, you are different, and I like you. Can't wait to hang out!" So this way it gets through to him that you think it is just hanging out and you like him as only friends. hope i helped =]]]
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