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Ex's....
Dear Brenda,
I am 24 years old and I have a friend that is going through court with her ex boyfriend. They have 2 kids together and the reason they are apart is because he abuses her and their kids. Now, she has gone back to this relationship before and i'm scared she'll do it again. Just because they are going through court doesnt mean they can't still be together. He tries to get her to back out of it all and she's thaught about it because he talks about how things will change and everything will be different. I just want to know what I can tell her or what advice i can give her not to go back to an abusive relationship for her sake and for her childrens?
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Hi
Wow, what a great friend you are!
Abusive partners are usually some of the most seemingly charming people on the planet. They are notorious for beating the crap out of someone, then telling them how sorry they are, and that it will never happen again.
The abuser needs that person in their life, because if that person leaves then who would they abuse and control? They will do everything in their power to make their partner stay.
Now, the fact that he not only abuses her, but her kids as well takes it to a whole other level in my opinion. He's got to have some pretty good control over her, to make her want to put her kids through that.
Has your friend gotten counselling? Has she been to a women's shelter? Aside from a caring friend like you, she needs professional help. She obviously can't control this on her own. They always say you have to hit rock bottom before you snap out of it and get your life together, so maybe she hasn't hit the bottom yet...as sad as that is.
Now, aside from her, there are two kids that need to be protected. I think if she can't protect the kids by making the right choices, then someone needs to make those choices for her. The most important people in this whole scenario are the kids.
I think you need to sit down and have a SERIOUS talk with her. If she won't leave him all together and press charges, then child protection needs to be called. They haven't done anything for us, but hopefully that won't be the case with your friend.
As hard as it is, you need to let her know that you won't sit around and let her put her kids in danger. I know this is so very hard, but the kids are the innocents in all this, and they deserve to have you on their side.
Ideally, your friend would do this on her own, but it's looking like she is not strong enough at this point to do it. Help her...she may be mad at you for a time, but in the long run she will know that you were only being a great friend who was trying to look out for her and her kids best interest.
Good luck, and let me know if there's anything else I can do.
Brenda
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