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i'm tired of my mom controlling everything
I've always been close to my mom and told her everything. It's only now I'm realizing what she's doing to me.
For example.. she's told me to stop being friends with so many people. So I stopped being friends with this group of people because she was constantly saying bad things about them, and now I'm hanging with someone else, she's criticising him constantly too, calling him a "troublemaker" and now I'm getting put off him.
Well this same guy.. last night I went over to his place... we've been friends a long time and recently got together. I told her a few people were coming so it was a gathering. Only a couple of people turned up, but I didn't think it'd matter. When she found out, she forbid me to ever go over to anyone's house again, saying I lied to her by telling her it was a party. But I don't think that's why she's mad. She said I'm young and should be "going out" and its not appropriate for me to go to anyones place. She won't let me go to anyone's place unless their mother is home, but his mother WAS home. When I said this to her she said "you think his old mother would help you? She'd laugh if all those boys tried to rape you" This really upset me because his mother was very nice. She said this guy should "take me out" instead, but we DO go out..
I'm seventeen and very responsble. She knows I'm not having sex (marriage for me) but she says I have no "self respect" by going to boys houses. Right now I'm in tears at what she's doing. I don't know how to please her. I've always done everything she's said in the past. I've cut people out of my life when she's told me to, stopped speaking to people, etc but this time I can't stand for this. Can someone give me some advice? I realize she's only overprotective because she loves me, but this is going too far.
thanks.
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Families?
It's time you stand up for yourself. Tell her what's bothering you--her behavior. Tell her that you're old enough to handle yourself and make your own decisions(be it about choosing your friends, where you want to go, etc...).
Also, tell her that you're getting tired of following her orders and pleasing her. Tell her that you can't live forever her way because you have your OWN life to live, too.
Hope I helped you a lil' bit! (and good luck with your "little" talk with your mom ;) )
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Show her this very message. It tells all of us advice columnists how you REALLY feel, so show it to her. Let her know your'e resposible enough and that she cannot control who and who are not your friends, and that is very rude. Tell her that you dont appreciate her bashing your friend's mom and stuff. I really hoped this was of any help remotely,
~country girl~
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Uh, your mom isn't being very logical. You are 17. You can make your own decisions and I would assume that she really enjoys having control. Maybe the fact that she has always had it, and is in a position now to lose it, she is making the mistake of going too far.
It is ridiculous to say that you have no self respect by going over to someone's house. And it is down right disrespectful and hateful to say that your boyfriends mother would laugh if you were being raped.
I know what I would say (I would tell her that she is being illogical and hateful and disrespectful, then give her prime examples of her behavior and then tell her who I am, because if I have no self respect by going over to people's houses, then she has no idea who I am, and has failed as a mother. Then remind her of the whole 18 thing.) but, judging from your relationship, what I would say wouldn't work.
Once she has calmed down, I would question her. Not angrily, but calmly and honestly because you don't understand. You told her it was going to be a party, and only a few people showed up (that's less than a party and why it is a big deal, who knows. No offense, but your mom sounds like a nutjob) His mom (old or not) was home like her rules demand. I would ask why I am now forbidden to have any kind of life when I was fully within her rules. Give her examples of your responsibility and things that you have done to prove so. And show why her dictatorship is uncalled for.
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