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Intimacy Issues With My Boyfriend
I went out with my boyfriend for 6 months during the school year and for lots of different mutual reasons we broke up for the summer. I didn't really get to see him too much over the summer party because I was busy with lots of things and we live a little ways apart, and second b/c I had been going out with somebody else and that relationship did not end well. But anyway...when we got back to school we had mentioned how we still loved each other and out feelings fr one another had never gone away. After a couple of months we started going out again. Throughout this second time that we were together we ended up talking more about our summer and such. He had mentioned that he was no longer a virgin. The first time I had gone out with him he was. That means that he had lost his virginity to some girl that he did not go out with over the summer. Now, I love this guy with all my heart, but I have to admit that it kinda of breaks my heart that he was actually intimate with some random girl when we weren't together. A lot of people will say that I had gone out with somebody else so it's all the same thing but, I NEVER would have had sex with the guy I had gone out with. My boyfriend and I have now been together for almost 8 more months and I still love him to death. He's the only guy I have ever done ANYTHING other than kiss but we have not have sex. He NEVER pressures me to have sex and I would really like too, but I do not believe in sex before marraige. Personally, I think that there are too many consequences to having sex at my age (16) and I am also a Christian. However, I know that he is a guy and that guys need certain things. I would never break my belief system or my morals for sex...but at the same time I know that there are other girls who like him and I get jelous because I know that they're willing to give him the thing that I can't. I hate that I'm jelous of that but I am. I'd hate to think that in some ways he's just as attracted to them as he is to me just because they'll have sex with him. I don't exactly know what I'm looking for here in terms of advice. Maybe reassurance or just any thoughts. So whatever you got let me know.
ps. I have talked to him about this before but he said it's stupid and not to worry because he loves me. I guess I'm just worried that I might lose him one day because I waited too long.
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Don't feel preshured into having sex with him becaus other girls out there are willing to give it to him. He seams to be real comfterrable waiting until your ready...trust his words and if he loves you he will not preshure you into anything you dont want to do, but if you do consider having sex befor maraige make shure that your doing for the right reasons be smart take the pill and use prectection.
Hope this helps! ;)
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Honey, if you aren't ready (for whatever reason-Christianity or otherwise) then that is nothing to stess about. He obviously loves you and wants to be with you, and there is no reason to be jealous. It is certainly normal to feel this way, all guys and girls do. Noone likes to think about their partner being with someone else, but everyone has a past. The best thing for you to do is focus on building your relationship now, and letting go of your anxiety about something that happened in his life when his life wasn't about you. I'm glad that you talked to him and have a honest relationship where you aren't afraid to share your feelings about such things. You will be some much happier and relaxed when you let this go.
Another thing: "I know that he is a guy and guys need certain things". That is a wrong and outdated (and slightly sexest) attitude to have. Males are not inherantly driven more toward sexual gratification then females are- that is a society driven myth. You seem like you have been doing ok without sex, so there is no reason he can't either. Men and women BOTH have needs, none more so then the other. Don't let anyone sway your outlook on this or any situation based on that thinking.
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Hang on to those beliefs. Don't worry about what he may or may not do in the future. Leave the past back there where it belongs.
He told you about his not being a virgin anymore. That means he trusts you and your relationship enough to know you wouldn't hold it against him. He isn't pressuring you, a lot of guys would be. He respects you and what you believe in.
He sounds like a good guy. I don't think he is going to cheat or anything. So, when he says not to worry because he loves you, believe him. Don't let worry ruin what you have. Just let him past indiscretion go. He came back to you knowing what your beliefs were. He is willing to wait.
What a great guy! :)
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