|
Confused....ex or fiance?
I don't think I entered this right before, so here it is again...
This is a long one...bear with me!
I have been with my fiance for 5 years. Last year I was feeling a little restless, and needless to say I left him for another guy. About a month later my fiance and I got back together and things were great. Now they are back to the same old thing again. (being treated like crap) And I have been thinking about "mr. fling" a whole lot lately. I think that I may be in love with him. Even though it was a short time we were together, we really connected. I miss him a lot, I dream about him, I really want to talk to him but I know that I can't. We live seperate lives now (him and his girlfriend-and myself and my fiance)
I just need some advice...on anything!!!
Confused 24 female
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
I think you have feelings for him ( care about him) but your not in love with him you just want him now because your fiance is acting up. what you need to is sit down and have a long serious talk and tell your fiance if he dont start treating you like the queen you are then your gonna have to leave and this time aint no coming back
Jazzy**
]
I know that this isn't the main issue here but you really are confused so we'll start at the beginning.
If you know that you have feelings for another man and if you know that things can go back to being 'the same old thing again', then what are you doing marrying this other guy?? If we are going to be brutally honest here, and I always am, you are putting yourself in a position where you intend to make a lifelong commitment to a guy that you clearly don't want to be committed to. You aren't happy with him, you want someone else and you shouldn't be marrying him. I know that he loves you and I really feel that from your message you don't truly love him. Not in the way that you should. Every couple has problems and to an extent you should always try to overcome them but if things are that bad that you have strayed once already, marrying him is futile.
Regarding 'Mr.Fling', you already know you can't have him but then again maybe that's not really the issue. I know you say you had a connection with him but is it possible it isn't necessarily him you want but that connection? You don't seem to have that with your fiancee and you want to find it with another man. You have a fixation with this guy because you felt that connection with him. That spark that is missing from your relationship and you want that back. You could try to get it back with your fiancee but I would strongly advice against it in this case.
If you want my absoloute opinion on the matter, in summary, you need to break off the engagement with your fiancee and this time NOT go back to him and you need to find someone else. Not necessarily Mr Fling because it is one thing to cheat on someone else (bad enough) but another to encourage someone else to cheat (much worse!). So give yourself some breathing room and don't be with anyone for a while but get out and enjoy being single. When your real Mr Right comes along, you will feel that connection again.
]
Even if "Mr. Fling" isn't available, you need to end the relationship with your fiance- it's not fair to either of you. Wait things out, and chances are mr. fling will become available sooner or later. Even if he doesn't, chances are you will meet another great guy...that you actually care about.
]
...
Do yourself and your fiance a favor and call it off with him right now. You are obviously not ready to be married.
You should never marry anybody who isn't your "one and ONLY". If you feel restless, or think about other men, or feel that treats you like crap, you shouldn't be with him.
Be honest with him and tell him you aren't ready for a real "till death do us part" relationship. Keeping him tied up with you, thinking that he is your "one and only", is very unfair to him, and you obviously aren't thrilled about it either.
As far as getting together with the "other" man goes... If he has a girlfriend, you should probably forget about him and move on. If you don't, and you manage to get him to drop his girlfriend for you, congratulations, you have yourself a man who will drop you as soon as something better comes along, as he would have just proved.
My advice is to keep looking, as you obviously haven't found the one for you. When you do, you won't be thinking about other men.
]
More Questions: |