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Friend's mom + friends = corruption
Ok, I'm having problems with my neighbor/really really really good friend. We've been friends since about 2004. Things went great until the beginning of this year. He just started not coming over anymore. He used to sleep over at our house every week but not anymore. His mom has talked to mom and has had problems before. She's really mentally messed up, she just clings to every single little thing she can find wrong with people. For example: One night he called (His name's Kevin) to see if we could play late Saturday night, but we already had some other people over so we told him we couldn't play. So his mom got together everyone in the neighborhood and did some picture-taking outside our lawn (our lawn) just to show he had friends too. xD
And recently, he's been having friends over and not inviting us like CRAZY. He keeps wanting to sleep over on weekends when he's over here but his mom won't ever let him. And his birthday was last week. I at least expected to get invited to his birthday party, but nope. He wanted to, or so he claimed, but his mom already picked out the friends who were coming, and I wasn't on the list.
I don't know why it's gotten like this. He just called asking for me to fix a problem with his Xbox so he and his friends he has over can play, and yet I can't go over there. That's using me right there. I want to be his friend so bad, but I think his mom's spreading lies about us and Kevin's hearing them.
What should I do? Should I distance myself? Thanks for any help. :)
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Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
I went through something similar, only the guy wasn't really my friend and one day the entire family just upped and started treating me like garbage. No reason, either. The mother was the root of it all, the person twisting and controling everything as she saw fit, and I suspect that it's the same in your situation. But the thing about this is that if this mother opposes you about something, chances are that she's gone and whined about it to the rest of her family and that encourages hostile or strange behavior from people that were formerly your friends. Namely, her children.
My advice would be to disacociate yourself with these people as much as you can. Maybe your friend will understand, maybe he won't. The only thing they can cause for you at this point in time is trouble.
The reasons behind it could be anything from the mother being a psychotic control-freak to a matter of difference in religion. For now, just keep it cool, minimize contact and let them be.
Sorry if that wasn't what you wanted to hear... Good luck, though! Situations like this can really bite.
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Yeah relationships can be incredibly tricky. The simplest, most effective solution is to lock yourself inyour room and never come into contact with a single living being again.
However, since we must all heel-toe and function within the bounds of "normality" here is the best advice I can give:
It sounds to me like this kid really does still want you around. The asking you to fix his X-box for example- there are many many people he could have asked, I'm sure, and if he still wants to stay over at your house then his mother's the problem.
In which case if both you and this guy still want to be friends don't let his mother get in the way. Is there anyway you can talk to him about it without his mum hearing? If so just request a cut from the crap, saying you understand he loves his mum but you just want to know exactly how he feels about the situation and tell him you really badly still want to be friends. That way all cards are on the table and you can go from there.
If you can bear it, start being especially nice to his mum. Just little things, saying hi when you see her, offering to help her take her shopping in from the car when she's back from the supermarket and hopefully that'll make things a little easier. If your parents can bear it ask them to help you out a little by being nice and civil to her too.
In the meantime you may have to be a little patient-crazy women like this take a while to be won round and sons (i'm presuming of a fairly young age) take a while to be able to stand up to their mothers. If the friendship's worth it, and it seems like to you it is, don't give up on it yet. x
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try to keep in mind that his mom has "problems" and he has to deal with her carefully. maybe he wants to hang with you but because of his mom he can't. you should tell him whats on ur mind. be stright with him and see what happens.
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