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Dating a recently seperated man...
I have been seeing a 31 year old recently (about 6 months ago) seperated guy. This guy is great and I am finding myself falling for him. We have a strong sexual chemistry and i cant stop thinking about him ...
He seems to feel the same.
Problem: He was married , has 2 kids (2 and 4) and his wife cheated on him. He sought counselling at the time with her, however she was adament that there was to be no reconcilliation.
He continued to see a therapist up until we met about 2 months ago...
He still contacts his wife weekly to see his children once a fortnight...
Im worried i am just a rebound??? I really see myself falling for this guy...
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I can understand why you are concerned. After all, you don't want to end up falling for a guy who will end up breaking your heart.
However, if this man's wife cheated on him and this happened more than two months ago, I doubt he is still on the rebound. Perhaps he met you and realised a good thing when he saw it. The problem is, you won't know until you talk to him about it? I'm not saying you have to come straight out with "Do you really like me or am I just a rebound?" but perhaps you could say something along the lines of "I really like you but I need to know where this relationship is going." Once he has answered that, tell him you are concerned that he is still getting over the breakdown of his marriage and that it might be too soon for him to be pursuing a serious relationship. See what he says to this but make it clear that you have real feelings for him and that is why you need to know the answers to these questions now.
Please also bear in mind that sexual chemistry is a wonderful thing but it can fizzle out very quickly if there is nothing else there. You don't want to rush into a relationship with a man based mostly on sexual chemistry, especially when there is so much 'baggage' that comes with him. Perhaps you should take things slowly for the moment and avoid the sexual side of the relationship until you have cemented something more.
Whatever you decide to do, make sure you have a talk with him about the direction of the relationship and talk until your mind is at ease. As soon as you know where he feels the relationship is going, you can start to relax.
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I have several friends who have gone through separations and divorces and each and every single one not only went through a period (the first year after the separation) of casually dating and exprimenting sexually with multiple partners,but also frequently returning to their ex's for one night stands. This happened regardless of their desire to start a new relationship with someone. It just never worked out, it seems like an extended healing period is needed before something new can truely begin. Just keep this in mind, your man could be an exception but you definitely need to protect your emotions.
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Being the rebound for a man recently separated is
a definite possibility to consider. If you are the first person he is dating it is very likely.
He isn't divorced yet.
His good points are that he did want to try and work it out with his almost ex. He wanted counselling which means he is at least loyal. It may also mean he isn't quite over her yet.
It may be a safer thing to back off a little and wait. See how things go. Easier on your heart!
Also easier said than done. If you want to continue seeing him by all means do. Just so long as you realize what MIGHT happen. I wish you luck. :)
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