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I'm mutually in love with someone and I want OUT!
I've been with my boyfriend for a year now. I'm completely in love with him, and he seems to be in love with me as well. And, well, just recently another girl has popped into his life. He has emotions for her that he is trying to hide, though he has admitted and I know that they're there -- But he won't act on these emotions because "he doesnt want to hurt me."
Now, when I imply that I am going to back away so he can just continue on and be with another girl, he doesn't let me. He gets scared. Like he wants to keep me close.
And part of me wants to just let him be with this girl because I can't be happy knowing he likes someone else, and is still with me. But at the same time, i don't even have it in me to let him go and see him with someone else. It would just crush me.
What should I do :(
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Whatever the rights or wrongs of the situation the key thing is "I can't be happy knowing he likes someone else, and is still with me". If you can't be happy with this guy, in this situation you need to get out or at least give yourself some space before coming to a permanent decision.
Him being scared of not having you around is not a good enough reason for either of you to stay and you need to put your long-term happiness ovr short-term however hard that is.
Being apart for a while might help him put things in perspective too- does he really want this girl or is it just a crush he's blown out of proportion?Either way, staying in this limbo isn't going to solve the problem and i think you need to be strong and put some distance between you for a while no matter what he says. It's not fair to you.
hope this works out the way you want it
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What really catches my eye is the fact that he won't let you back away for him to be with this girl because he's scared he will hurt you.
That says that he does want to be with this girl and really does want to act on these feelings for her, but he's too scared about the way you'll react to him breaking up with you. That is all what's really stopping him. It's nice that he wants to protect your feelings, but that's not a good enough reason to stick around with you.
I know you are probably really stressed out and depressed from everything he seems to be putting you through, but don't let yourself think that you can't live without this guy because that's so far from the truth. Sometimes relationships will last a long time and things will happen as much as we don't want them to. But I have to say that you are really handling this well. Most girl wouldn't be considering getting out of the relationship because the love that they have for that guy would blind them of everything that's going on.
Maybe a litle story of mine can help you. I'm actually going through a really tough break-up. I was with this guy for two years and he did end up leaving me for someone else and it's been about 4 weeks since the whole thing happened. I can't decribe to you the feeling I've had or having to you, but the best part of the story is that I am getting through it. I have my bad days and I have my good ones. The good ones always happen when I'm with my friends who support me and comfort me when I am depressed. Sometimes I do need time alone, but I always try to limit that time and keep busy because then I'm not sitting alone and feeling like crap.
The point is that all of this time I've done nothing but told myself that this guy is my life and without him, life doesn't exist or isn't right anymore and I couldn't have been more wrong.
If anything, you should tell your boyfriend that you do really know that he wants to be with this girl and that being scared isn't an excuse for staying with you. Try not thinking of all of this as a depressing phase, think of this as a new beginning in your life. It may be very bumpy at first, but it will all fall into place when you get back on your feet.
-TheTeenGirl
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If you're completely sure he's really into you and that this other girl is just a little crush... hold on and try to distract him from her.
But it might not work so maybe you should let him go.. you'll be hurting yourself even more when you try to hold onto him.
Talk to him about your relationship and if you really mean something to him. Tell him you might want to break up if those feelings for someone else doesn't die down. If he "doesnt want to hurt you"... what is he doing now?
Ask him that.
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