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Monster-in-laws
My boyfriend and I have been together now going on two years this October. We have had our problems, but we always manage to come through being much closer. I love him to death, and can’t imagine not having him as a part of my life. So here’s the problem, after about 7 months of being together I absolutely knew he was the one and we just were getting along so great. Then some guy came and proposed (or wanted to) but I said no (by the way I’m of Arab background). I was telling my bf about it, and he freaked out and said I should have accepted and met the guy. It really frustrated me, and hurt me a lot for him to tell me I should just marry the other guy. We talked and then he said his mother would not agree to him marrying me. I was crushed!! We have been on and off again (the on lasting much longer than the off) but I just don’t know what to do. I love him, and I don’t want to be with another guy (he is the first guy I have ever been with). Some days I find myself feeling really depressed because I keep remembering his mom. What should I do? My friends, sisters, even my MOM has told me we should just end it, but they don’t understand how much I care about this guy. He has already made it quite clear that he cannot go against his mother (arab society puts a high value to family ties). The reason she doesn’t say yes is because I was raised my whole life in the states, and my mother is American, but is that really my fault? Is it even something bad? Sorry this is so long, I just really feel awful and need some advice. :( help please!
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Well, I don't know a whole lot about certain backgrounds and religions, but don't you think that if the both of you had been together for almost two years that you'd already know that his mom wouldn't accept it because of your background?
It seems a little odd to me that this all comes as a shock to you because I think that you both would know by now that it wouldn't work out, especially if he was planning on not going against his mother. I mean, it was stupid of him to get with you in the first place if marriage weren't going to work out between the two of you.
I'm starting to get the feeling that maybe I'm not quite understanding this, but my point is that he's made up his mind about you. He's not going to marry you because of his mother and I find that to be a little ridiculous. Religion can really get in the way of things, and if you both agree on those important topics like background and religion, there's no reason why you shouldn't be able to get married.
Listen, we all go through tough experiences with love. We tend to convince ourselves that we need this person and without them there is nothing to live for which is untrue. I know you can't imagine your life without this guy, but life can go on without him and it probably will at this point. It's not an easy thing to get through, but it's a fact that you can do it without him and you can find another man who will actually think things through before deciding that he's just going to obey his mommy. He needs to be a man and not a mommy's boy. He's too immature.
As much as you hate to hear, your mom is kind of right when she says for you to end things. And even if you don't end up ending things, he will end things eventually because of this problem. Don't wait for him to end things either, that's a huge mistake, you both can't be unmarried for the rest of your lives. I doubt that your mom doesn't understand you love this guy, and I really do understand that, but sometimes loving and caring for someone won't keep you and him on your feet. Actually, love is never enough. It takes more than truly being in love with someone for it to work out. You've got morals, religion, politics, and family values.
You have to keep telling yourself that you can go on without this guy. Besides, he's the first guy you've been with, and that's normal when it comes to breaking up. It's not likely that you'll end up spending the rest of your life with your first love. When you go through something this painful, you have to reach out to your friends and family until you are healed. And remember, crying and the anger that you will have is the healing process, it's not a moment of weakness when you cry. It's getting better and healing each time.
-TheTeenGirl
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You should tell both the guys to blow off. Obviously the guy you're with doesn't appreciate you or love you as much as you love him. There is deffinatly a better guy out there for you.It may not be the thing you want to do but its probably whats best for you. Well I hope you find the right guy.
bye
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