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I need help
There are so many girls out there that look in the mirror and think they are fat when they are not. However, a lot of the time it is either just fishing for compliments, or thinking they are fat but not caring that much. I am different from those girls. I do think I am fat, and sometimes I try to throw up my food after I eat. I hate it, because everyone always says how skinny I am but it does not change the way I look at myself. No one knows how I feel or understands. When I have a problem with anything such as friends, family, or school, I take it out on my body and how fat I am. When I get upset about something I turn to the mirror and try to throw up, thinking everything will be better if I was thinner. Telling my mom this is not an option. The other day, I went out to lunch with my mom and brother and we somehow got on the topic of bullimia. She said, "If I ever found out, heard, or even thought that you did that, you would be so punished and have something you really love doing taken away." I remember a couple times I asked if I could see a therepist and she just said that it was too much money. I know I have a problem, but I do not know what to do.
Thanks for listening.
By the way, I am 14.
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You do have bulimia, and your mother might as well punish you when you get a cold or flu. That is really a shocking display of ignorence on her part. Obviously she has no idea what the best thing for you is so it is up to you. Tell your school counselor or nurse, if you don't have one. Tell them that you really need direction to where you can get help and they may even mediate with your mother to help her see the severity of the situation. That's their job, don't be hesitant to go to them.
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It is very hard to deal with that type of thing of thinking you are fat. I don't know if you have any other hobbies that you could turn your attention to but could give it a try. If you think you need a therapist, is that just to have someone listen? If it is a journal is a pretty good alternative. If you looking for input from others, as in people that aren't friends, then you could try a weblog. One thing about that is jsut to keep things kind of vague about yoruself but the problem I suspect is not something that you are alone in. I have found that I tend to turn to myself when something seems to be going wrong and need something or someone to take it out on. I hope you can find someone you can confide in, in order to get through this for yourself. Let me know how things go for you.
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