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the proper way to handle #2
Hi Frog,
what does one do if they are caught in this situation:
I'm at my girlfriends house and we just got done eating dinner. After dinner I realize I have to drop a gigantic duece. The problem being, the only bathroom in her house is on the first floor right next to the family room. So do I take the huge poop and have their living room smell, in which i would have to suffer the embarassment of her entire family know that I just dropped something fierce right under their noses.... or do i bail and make an excuse to leave immediately (in which I'd drive to the nearest fast food restuarant and shit all over the bathroom).
Reggie Hammond
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Maybe give some free advice about: Etiquette?
Well 'Reggie' ...
As inappropriately as you chose to put this, you're problem is one all men have at one point or another. Whether in an important business meeting or trying to make an impression that will benefit your ability to continue violating the host's daughter, you have to expunge that waste without drawing attention to yourself.
First, some scientific fact. Animals have souls. So imagine you just finished off 3 slices of her mother's famous roast. The cow that you're now digesting was once a happy, mature adult beast, enjoying grass and sunshine without a care in the world. One day she gets led to her death, and her final vision is that of a farm hand beating her like Barry Bonds would a reporter from the Chronicle. An agry bovine soul is then trapped in cling-wrapped beef, and now he's inside you!
Cow-ghost, we'll call her Dead Betty, is mad. Dead Betty knows that some human ripped her from her plush field, and now she wants payback. She convinces the digestive system to let her out at exactly the right moment... the after dinner chat with your sweetie's folks.
How to handle this? You have a couple options here. The only option you DO NOT have is to use the restroom adjacent to the family room. This is just bad form... unless you plan on murdering the family when you're done. Then you're cool.
First, you could volunteer to run out for some after dinner wine or some barbituates... something that the whole family could enjoy and will appreciate you picking up. Pop into a local establishment and have a go.
Alternatively, consider your surroundings. Does the family have a dog? If you can isolate the pup, take a dump on the floor... if the choice is between blaming the dog and blaming you, I think you'll win everytime. If someone does blame you, refer to the family-murder scenario above. Use the dog's tail to wipe... this gives your scene a little more credibility.
Third, you can be honest. Tell your hosts that you don't feel well and head for home. This is WAY less fun, and you won't get any skin music that night.
Choose carefully, and good luck.
Smackey
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