Wanna know what I am? I'm a REALIST!
...and a FUNNY one at that!
No topic is off limits... just know that the answers are as much for the readers as they are for the advice-seeker. I consider it one part Heloise, one part Dr. Phil, and 3 parts Dr. Phil's Oprah-hating subconscious.
Member Since: March 3, 2006
Answers: 5
Last Update: April 14, 2006
Visitors: 1076
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I am so upset with a psychic reading that I had today. I paid a lot of money- 80 dollars for the reading and it was done over the phone. I only did it because my mother said she's been going to this guy for the last 15 years and that he was very good- and his other testimonials on his website looked promising. Well I asked him if I would end up with the guy that I love- I've been friends with him for a long time. He was really negative and said he did NOT love me- that he thought of me as a fantasy and not reality and he would never commit to me. He told me to cut off contact with him forever- and not to tell him I'm cutting off contact with him or else he'll do anything to be my friend again. I was almost in tears because I feel in my heart that he does love me but is shy. I don't want to cut off all contact with him I think this psychic is nuts. But my mother said how good he is- what should I do? I am so upset! (link)
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You came up with one BRILLIANT statement in your query: "...this psychic is nuts."
RIGHT... now, let's take that a step further. YOU are nuts! Your MOTHER is nuts.
Your mother recommended a phone psychic to you? One she's used for 15 years?!? I don't mind being the one to get people to realize how far from Earth they are, but something gives me the feeling that you're in for a culture shock when you and your mother finally (if ever) get a chance to stroll around on good ol' terra firma. I just fear you could have had a couple more toys as a child had your mother's life decisions not been made at a cost of $4.99 a minute. Maybe a couple more hugs too.
You should ask her if your conception was a result of a conversation with Gerald Croiset.
But I digress...
If you really want advice on how to interpret the blatherings of a down-on-his-luck, working-from-home dolt with a copy of "Tarot for Dummies" in front of him, here you go: Why did you call a psychic if you weren't going to believe him?
Is a psychic only good if they tell you what you want to here? If you're going to spend $80 on this idiot, you may as well let him make your decisions for you.
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Hi Frog,
what does one do if they are caught in this situation:
I'm at my girlfriends house and we just got done eating dinner. After dinner I realize I have to drop a gigantic duece. The problem being, the only bathroom in her house is on the first floor right next to the family room. So do I take the huge poop and have their living room smell, in which i would have to suffer the embarassment of her entire family know that I just dropped something fierce right under their noses.... or do i bail and make an excuse to leave immediately (in which I'd drive to the nearest fast food restuarant and shit all over the bathroom).
Reggie Hammond (link)
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Well 'Reggie' ...
As inappropriately as you chose to put this, you're problem is one all men have at one point or another. Whether in an important business meeting or trying to make an impression that will benefit your ability to continue violating the host's daughter, you have to expunge that waste without drawing attention to yourself.
First, some scientific fact. Animals have souls. So imagine you just finished off 3 slices of her mother's famous roast. The cow that you're now digesting was once a happy, mature adult beast, enjoying grass and sunshine without a care in the world. One day she gets led to her death, and her final vision is that of a farm hand beating her like Barry Bonds would a reporter from the Chronicle. An agry bovine soul is then trapped in cling-wrapped beef, and now he's inside you!
Cow-ghost, we'll call her Dead Betty, is mad. Dead Betty knows that some human ripped her from her plush field, and now she wants payback. She convinces the digestive system to let her out at exactly the right moment... the after dinner chat with your sweetie's folks.
How to handle this? You have a couple options here. The only option you DO NOT have is to use the restroom adjacent to the family room. This is just bad form... unless you plan on murdering the family when you're done. Then you're cool.
First, you could volunteer to run out for some after dinner wine or some barbituates... something that the whole family could enjoy and will appreciate you picking up. Pop into a local establishment and have a go.
Alternatively, consider your surroundings. Does the family have a dog? If you can isolate the pup, take a dump on the floor... if the choice is between blaming the dog and blaming you, I think you'll win everytime. If someone does blame you, refer to the family-murder scenario above. Use the dog's tail to wipe... this gives your scene a little more credibility.
Third, you can be honest. Tell your hosts that you don't feel well and head for home. This is WAY less fun, and you won't get any skin music that night.
Choose carefully, and good luck.
Smackey
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I just got a dwarf rabbit which is 2 years old. Me and my boyfriend do not know if its a boy or a girl but we want to know what the best way is to nurture him/her. How to call it? How to get him to like us? How to be friendly with him and basically the best way to care for it. Please answer my question the best you can I really like him and I want to be the best owner I can :) (link)
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OK, so take your pretty bunny and stick it between your legs... his belly should be facing up towards you, and his hind legs spread wide open.
Gently push apart the flaps of skin, and you'll find out exactly how you should nurture your new pet. A slit means a girl... nurture her with Barbie dolls and reassurances that she's pretty and your boyfriend won't touch her there again. If you see a tubular structure, or even better, a couple of beans to go with the frank, you've got a boy. Keep him happy with GI Joe's and privacy when he's in the shower 'a little too long.'
How to call a rabbit? Who cares?!? No matter what you call it, all it's going to do is stare at you blankly and nibble your bum. Which brings up the question you should have asked a couple weeks ago... "Is there any point to having a pet rabbit?"
There's only one thing I can think of that would truly make a pet rabbit happy... FREEDOM.
Anyway... if you decide to keep this thought-provoking (for the minute anyway) pet of yours, be sure to have it spayed or neutered. Otherwise you run the risk of it multiplying like... well, you know.
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Should guys who aren't that "muscular" shave their chest/stomach? How about their arms? Thanks! (link)
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There are plenty of guys who shave their chest and arms, and they fit one of the following categories:
- Swimmers
- Body builders
- Drag queens
All of the above wear Speedos for far too high a percentage of their lives to be considered normal. Not recommended.
*Exception: If you've ever been called a walking carpet, if your chest coif sticks out over your v-neck shirt, or if someone has ever shaved something into your chest (or back!) give some thought to taking a trimmer to it. No Bic razors...shaving cream is for chins and practical jokes.
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I just want some opinions on this:
Do you think it's wrong to let your boyfriend go to a strip club?
I personally think it is wrong, but then I see some girlfriends even go with their boyfriends to stripclubs!! I just don't get it. How could you let your boyfriend get turned on by another woman? ..or let alone get a sexy lap dance by another woman? I personally think that can even lead to the thought of cheating.
What do you guys think? I am 18 and my boyfriend is 17 and he will be 18 next month. I don't know whether to never let him go to a strip club(since that is a common thing for men to try out at least once in their lives) or to let him try it out. I am really uncomfortable with that idea. (link)
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Have you ever seen the movie Cast Away?
Personally, I love crab... LOVE it. But after 4 years on a tropical island, I'd want a darn cheeseburger!
You're the crab...
If you think keeping him out of a strip joint will preserve the exclusivity of "turning him on," then you better batten down the hatches for a battle against cheerleaders, college parties, the swimsuit issue, excercise videos, National Geographic, beach volleyball, the mall, and anything with a hole in it.
You have no chance... I repeat, NO chance of being the only thing that turns him on. And if he tells you he's thinking about you when he "takes matters into his own hands," he either doesn't want to start a fight or he doesn't want you to know what REALLY turns him on.
Let the man have his escape. Just take Chris Rock's advice and don't let him eat lunch there...I'm pretty sure those folks aren't equipped with hair nets.
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