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my ex...
Okay, so I broke up with this guy (almost 2-year relationship) like...five months ago, or something. I fought with him about three months ago and said I'd give him space. Well I did, and I IM'd him tonight on a whim. It was stupid, I guess. I didn't expect him to be hostile, and I wasn't going to bring up the relationship, or the breakup, or anything, and HE did. He brought it up by asking me basically why the hell I was talking to him. I was worried about him when I broke up with him - I didn't exactly consider him the most emotionally stable at that point, and part of me wanted to know if he was okay, because I was the one who hurt him...so I told him that, and he said I didn't get to know how he was because I wasn't part of his life anymore, and shit like that.
Now, I have kind of a thick skin - I'm a performer, so I have to. He said that, and I said "if you can ever find it in your heart to forgive me, then I'd like to try being friends again," and then offered to leave him alone, and he said "thank you," and I closed the window.
...and then I started crying. Lol.
I don't understand why it upset me so much. I've dealt with ex boyfriends before, he's not the first...but he's the only one, it seems like, who isn't willing to try to bring back the friendship.
We're in college, so we're not in a situation where we see each other, and he has to admit that I exist. He doesn't - he's like all the way across the country.
So basically, I guess I'm asking - how do I deal with this? Why did it upset me? At this point, I have no idea what's going on with my head.
Help?
Good spelling and grammar is appreciated...
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
Some people are believers in "exes can't be friends". I don't agree, but I don't disagree either. It all depends on the people, on the circumstances.
Some people just can't bring a friendship back after they've split up. It's normal...Certain relationships that I've had, I have NO INTEREST in maintaining a friendship with them. It would be too hard, and too painful.
Remember, you broke up with him. He wasn't, as you said, very emotionally stable at the time. It's only been 5 months as well. He obviously still needs space. Talking to you brings up bad feelings for him, but it's not your fault. It's his own thing he needs to deal with, and will, with time.
Why would it upset anyone? You are, after all, a human being with feelings. Being rejected and shunned hurts. I would have cried the whole night away myself. It would have made me feel like a nothing. But that's the thing...If you were a nothing, he would have never been like that towards you. He seems to need longer healing time, and each time you two talk, it sort of reopens the wound. I can understand your side and his as well, I've been on both ends.
Your only solution IS to leave him alone. When/if he's ready, let him come to you. Otherwise you risk unnecessary pain for the both of you. He may never be ready. And that's ok. Chalk it up to fate and let it go.
Take care
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It's obviously difficult to be such a big part of someone's life for almost 2 years and then be reduced to nothing. Of course that would upset you. It would upset anyone.
You remember the times when you knew everything about each other and when YOU were the person he came to and trusted (and when he was the one you went to and trusted). Whether romance is involved or not, it's hard to lose that kind of closeness with anyone. I'm sure that's what's upsetting you.
Unfortunately, that seems to be the overall situation for the time being. The most you can do to deal with it is to realize that most of what he said was probably said out of anger and hurt. Who knows what the future will bring when you're both on better footing (or he is anyway).
Just try to do as you would do with any breakup. Spend time with the people you're close to. Try to take your mind off of it for now while he has a chance to heal. If the relationship was nearly 2 years, it's going to take him awhile to get to where he's able to possibly befriend you.
If it helps at all, I was in the same situation with an ex boyfriend and we went a few years without talking before we patched things up and became friends again. It is possible. (Only...hopefully it won't be a few years for you two :p)
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