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~Relationship Complaint~
Okay, Ive been in this relationship for almost 5 months and Im very much in love with the man I lost my virginity to. I dont know if it'll last long because hes so hard to be with, partly because hes so close to his friends. Their inseperateable and he doesnt realize it but hes alot nicer alone than with his friends around, also we cant drink together because he gets super irritated and acts like a dick and like he doesnt want me around him so I get emotional because ive been drinking and then i become a mess. I love to party and im the happiest drunk ull ever meet, but for some reason when I drink with my boyfriend he destroys that mood in an instant by doing something to make me upset. Funny thing is, he tells me its because he gets more irriated when he drinks hard stuff, but beers okay with him and he says i act stupid when i drink and that he doesnt like it when i drink cuz i get emotional. Well....probably becuz im drinking with him!!! Dont get me wrong, i love him to death i just dont see how its going to work because for once in my life ive come to realize that maybe love isnt enough anymore. I dont like being with someone i see maybe once or twice a week and its always on him whether we see each other or not. Im always the one to call after school and find out from his sister that he left with his friends. I work, he doesnt. Hes 19. Im 17. He thinks that if we care about each other so much that when he goes to college a couple hours away that we wont grow apart and that we'll see each other on weekends, however i know better. I can wake up to reality and see that if we have trouble seeing each other now, being 15 minutes away, how can it possibly work out when hes 2 hours away? And i know what some of you will say..tell him how you feel...tell him you think he needs to hang out with you more often and not his friends. Thing is I dont want him to think im some controlling girlfriend that wants to pussy whip him. One relationship in his life he always talks about is him and this girl lets say named Whitney. And she had him pussy whipped like no other that he blew off his friends for her. That was 2 years ago and after it ended badly he hadnt had a g/f since...until now. And unfortunately his friends mean soooo much to him that he doesnt know how to balance it out and so hes blowing off me for his friends. I find it unfair. Because he cant use something like that as an excuse and I am not going to pay for some dumb bitch's mistake.
Sorry for basically spilling out my lifes story but theres just some issues I have in this relationship and I just am not secure about what i should do. I hope someone has some great advice to help me
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Hey,
This reminds me a lot of one of my relationships. I felt the same way. Insecure, like I was being put on the back burner and that everything else was always more important. AND..the WORST..being compared to some ex girlfriend. I agree. You shouldn't have to pay for someone else's mistakes. You are a different person and should be treated as such. But these are his feelings and his insecurities..You can't do anything about them. That's something he needs to let go of and obviously hasn't worked through that yet.
How would you telling him your feelings make you seem like a controlling girlfriend? You've got every right to make your voice heard in a relationship. It's not like you're nitpicking. Feelings are important. If you can't tell him how you feel, then really, you DON'T have a relationship.
Even though it's the last thing you want to do, it's the only thing you can do. Talk to him. If you don't, then you're very pointlessly sitting here completely unhappy and it will no fault but your own. Now...if he can't understand your feelings and he disregards them, then you can say you tried, you made an effort. If your needs aren't being met, there is no reason to stay after you've tried to work things out.
Long distance relationships CAN work...But I'm glad you're seeing the other side as well. If you can't work things out 15 minutes apart, how is several hours going to work? It could...if you bring the current issues to surface and you both work at resolving the problems together
Good Luck!
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Your boyfriend sound extremely immature and definitely is not ready for committed relationship. It sounds like he's in what I like to call a "dick click". They do everything together, always say "we're doing this" or "we don't want to go there", and my guess is that they all drink a lot too. This doesn't make him a bad person, but it does make him a bad boyfriend. He cares way more about the "dick click" than he does about you and that is evident by the way he spends him time. How a person spends their time is a great indicator of where their priorities are and where their heart lies. He treats you like like leftovers, if he has some time leftover and you make yourself available, you'll do but you're not his first choice. His ex-girlfiend sob story is nothing more than a pathetic excuse, don't buy it for a second. You deserve better, you deserve to spend your time with someone who can't wait to see you, someone who treats you like the special person that you are. Save yourself some wasted time and drama and break up with him now before he has the chance to REALLY hurt you after he leaves for college. I really think you'll be much happier without him. Yea, the initial breakup will hurt because of your history together, but history tends to repeat itself and is the history you've had with him so far something you want repeated?
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Oh dear, this is a predicament. I can see what the problem is because you can't just tell him to see more of you. That wouldn't help at all but at the same time things can't carry on the way they are.
In all relationships there needs to be some form of balance of power and you need to work how to get back some of this power because at the moment he holds it all and he's taking advantage of the situation. Perhaps not purposely however, as it sounds like he may be overcompensating for what happened with this other girlfriend.
The best suggestion I can come up with at this moment in time is that you need to stop your efforts to contact him and try to arrange things. Don't call, don't text, don't go around, don't do anything. By letting you do all the chasing, he's grabbing any of the power in the relationship from you. If you make him do some of the chasing, you will get your power back.
However, I should warn you that although this would work on most men, you need to be prepared for any eventuality. That is, you may find he disappears from your radar altogether, at least for a while and you may not hear from him for a time. If he really does love you then he will come to his senses and wonder where you've been because he hasn't heard from you. If/when he does contact you, throw the "We need to talk" line at him and say you need to meet. Go somewhere neutral like a restaurant, cafe or a park and make sure you have his full attention. Then you can tell him exactly what you feel is wrong with your relationship and tell him that although you love him, your relationship just can't continue in the way that he has because you feel as though you are the only person in it.
Unfortunately, if he still doesn't get it or thinks you are being unreasonable (which I don't think you are at all but being a man, he might), you may need to consider ending it. Sadly you were right, sometimes love just isn't enough.
Good luck.
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