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boyfriend of 10 months who refuses to get his act together
i met my my man about 10 months ago, and things between us love-wise couldnt be better. no guy has ever treated me as good as he does, and i cant say ive ever been this happy before. he would, and does do anything in the world for me. and i love him with all my heart. our families are really close, and have been since WAY before we were both born. we've got so many things in common, and we plan on getting married in a few years. but he's been doing horrible in school, and although i do give him credit for occassionally getting a 'C' or a 'D' instead of an 'F'- he got his progress reports back, and they were HORRIBLE!- his parents are taking away his car, and are making him quit his job in the hopes that maybe he'll get his act together. i cant take it anymore! i have tried SOOOO hard to talk some sense into him. ive tried telling him that he's ruining 'our' future by getting bad grades. i ask him all the time what kind of job he expects on landing with grades as bad as they are, and he ALWAYS tells me he's trying, but that he doesnt wanna talk about it- and every progress report is no much better than the last. i really dont know what to do. his mother is forever telling him that im gonna leave him if he doesnt get it together, because i can do 'so much better'- and im getting curious as to if i really can. someone PLEASE tell me what to do. both male and female opinions would help on this one. thank you soooo much. i'll rate high on ALL ANSWERS- good or bad.
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A lot of people who do badly in school do so because of external problems and it might not be anything to do with you. For example, you say his Mother tells him that you can do a lot better than her own son. That's really going to destroy a lot of his self esteem and self confidence. Especially if at times he is trying hard and not getting anywhere.
What you really need to do is to encourage him. Positive encouragement always does better than negative reinforcement. See if you can persuade his parents and others around him to offer to help him with his studies, rather than criticising when he doesn't do well.
Also, try doing something positive when he does better, like going out somewhere nice. Most of all, you need to reassure him that you aren't going anywhere. That you love him and will support him whatever happens but that you're concerned for his future and want to help him. Then see if there's anything you can do to help him study. If he has always been like this, there may be a deeper issue that needs to be looked into but either way, the only way you will find out is by sitting down and having a real chat with him about it.
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You should help him with his studies and if u really do like him you will stay with him and hope he gets better grades........i know tons of people like this and if u just help him with his work he will be better.
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Instead of arguing about how dumb he is & not going to be able to get a job & making him feel worse, why don`t you help him out with his studies? If you`re really good at the things he has trouble in, HELP HIM! Have a talk with him first because he might get a offended. Just because he might think your calling him dumb. But just say that you really want to help him out & you care about him & how he`s doing in school. Don`t jump too much on him if he does really bad. If he tells you he`s trying, then believe him a little. This guy needs someone to believe in him & tell him that he can do the work, but if your not going to do that, then who is? His parents? No way. They are jumping on him like you are. I`m not critizing the way you are acting in this situation, but you can be a little more supportive.
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have you considered he might have a learning or atention dissability? or maybe he needs tutoring... heck maybe for dates ya'll could help him study (it's not much fun but if you really stick with it, it might be beneficial to both of you) or maybe positive reinforcement- I don't know how dates go for ya'll but maybe offer him- if you get a "B" (or start with "c" and move up) on your next test I will pay for our next movie or dinner or something... or again if your helping him study ask him questions and for every correct answer he can have a kiss- the more difficult the question the better the kiss... and so on... I hope this helps if I think of anything else I'll let you know- hey you might try looking up motivation techniques on google- GOOD LUCK & TAKE CARE!!
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