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humorist-workshop
One more question
Thanks for all your advice, I found you were one of the most helpful people who answered.
Like I said, I'm going after my 2 year degree in child development. I've heard through the grapevine that my ex-best friend enrolled in the same school and started taking courses this quarter and she's majoring in the same thing. I've ran into her in town twice before and just walked past her and ignored her (this is a small town). But each time it's been really painful, it just brings everything back up all over again. Fortunately I haven't had her in any of my classes this quarter. But what should I do if I go to a class in the future and she's there? I don't want to be in the same room with her, and I don't think I could concentrate on my work if I was seething with anger and pain the entire time. I would probably have the option of dropping that class and taking something else but by then I would have to sit through the first day. How would that look? Ugh! I wish I was one of those people who didn't care what people thought of her but I do. I wish I could just sit through this hypothetical class with her and act like she didn't exist. What do I do if that happens?
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
Okay. I'm going to answer from a semi-counselling point of view. First of all, you are allowing this woman to have power over you. If you would drop a class you loved - or have to suffer through it - then this woman is having control over your day-to-day life.
Allowing a person who's told you you'll burn in hell, that's dropped you out of her life after an extended friendship - is that what you want to do?
You are the only person who has control over your reactions. You have no control over whether or not this woman will end up in any of your classes (though perhaps not, since she's started after you?). All you have control over if how you respond to this challenge. You have the ability within you to not give other people power over how you feel.
At the end of the day, this woman either dislikes you or does not think of you at all. Letting her control your life in this way is only saying that you aren't worth thinking about, you aren't worth loving. And that's just not true.
How to reclaim your power and self-esteem? Consider counselling - your college should offer it for free to students. Counselling isn't for 'crazy' people, it's for people who have real life problems they need help sorting out.
To me, it seems as though there are two issues at play. The first is that you have not gotten over the friendship; you still seem to be deeply hurt. Until you work through those feelings and emerge on the other side, it's going to be difficult to change how you react to this person.
The other issue is that you wish you didn't care what other people think. Wishes are just deep feelings that we're afraid to express. You can choose to stop wishing and start feeling that you are the one who gets to decide how you feel about you. You have to wake up with yourself, look yourself in the mirror, and spend every minute of your life with you.
This woman spends no time with you, dismissed you. This says nothing about you. It is not a judgement passed on your life or lifestyle. She chose to end a friendship, and that's the end of it. You can choose to work through the obviously painful feelings she's left you with, and that's a positive choice to make because otherwise you will just stay in the anxious and hurt state you're in now.
You CAN do this.
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