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response to your answer
thanks for your advice. I guess I just feel like I must be a really horrible person if my own best friend rejects me KWIM? I'm in the minority on so many of those issues that I feel like it will only take one to cause a conflict in a future friendship. My husband wants me to make new friends and at one point I thought I had met someone I clicked with. She had a little boy my daughters age and she said outright she was desperate for a friend too. But then it turned out that she liked to party and wanted me to find a sitter to take off with her overnight to seattle. No way I could leave my baby with a sitter that long. Also she started preaching about jesus (I know, the irony!) and that made me uncomfortable. Finally she was a chronic shop lifter and liked to brag about it. The last time I saw her she was trying to get me to trade a peice of my furniture for something she had stolen. *sighs* I go to college 2 nights a week and sit next to other moms (I'm majoring in child development so most of my peers have kids). I know their names and some stuff on the surface but I haven't the slightest idea of how to get from that point to being friends. It was so easy when I was young, you would just find a kid on the playground and say "want to play?" and you'd be the best of friends. But how do adults make friends?
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
You're right. Kids make friends first based on activity together - playing tag, hide and seek, pushing each other on the swings.
But those tricks aren't just for kids - adults can be the same way. People of like minds can be met by actively doing things that inspire you. If you put yourself in an arena of life that you feel really connected and positive about (like your college course!) you will find yourself surrounded with people who have a similar interest.
Of course everyone in your course won't necessarily share all of your views, but at least it's a good starting point. You know the women around you are interested in children and how they develop, and that's a good enough starting point.
Why not get to class ten minutes early and strike a conversation with someone around you? Ask them what they thought of the reading, how they did their homework, what got them interested in the course in the first place. This can also happen AFTER class, or in breaks. If you reguarly get interval breaks, why not ask some other people to grab a cup of coffee with you?
Just because you've had some negative experiences doesn't mean every prospective friendship will end in ruins. You can't expect everyone you meet to be friendship material, so you need to concentrate on getting to know several people rather than honing in on one person until you discover basic incompatibilities.
Maybe taking some time to think over your habits you repeat in friendships could help. Are you attracted to the same sort of people, even though it never works out? What has worked or not worked in the past? What sort of friend do you really want, and what sort of friend are you prepared to be?
Having clarity on yourself and your needs will help you find the right group of friends, if you're willing to work for it. You sound lovely and genuine, and I wish you the best.
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