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Mrs. S,
Ever since my parents got divorced, ive changed a lot. I'm not as social as i used to be, i've gotten very self concious, and if something goes wrong i get very upset then i start to cry and i cant stop, i get like physically sick from it. It's gotten worse this year. i dont know what's wrong, i've tlked to my stepmom about it and she thinks i might have an anxiety disorder, but I'm afraid to talk to my mom about it. Do you think my stepmom could be right...or what do you think is wrong?
sorry it's kind of long but, thanks for taking time to read this <3
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First of all, I am probably THE most UNqualified person to answer this. My parents never divorced so I can only imagine what you must be going through. But I'll try really hard to help you and I'll try not to say the wrong thing...
I hope you realize that it's totally ok to be sad. A divorce is traumatic. It changes your world and I can see how this can make you feel insecure. The symptoms you describe seem like "mourning" type feelings. Maybe instead of focusing on the "LOSS" from a divorce...focus on the "GAINS" from the divorce (i.e. A New Stepmom) You still have both parents that love you a ton.
It's important that you realize that your family isn't "over" - it's "expanded." There will be MORE people to love you now. I don't know what your relationship is with your stepmother but I'm assuming that you are close or you wouldn't have shared these feelings with her. And that's great that you talked to her. But I'm assuming she didn't know you before the divorce. (?)
Therefore, I would recommend you start by sitting down with your MOTHER and show her/tell her everything you just wrote to me. Your MOTHER is the one that has been with you since you were born. She knows you better than anybody (besides your father). She will be able to help you work through your thoughts, fears, sadness, etc. She will be able to see things that maybe even YOU can't see. And she will want to help you work through this situation more than anybody on the planet (your dad too).
The thing I hope you realize about divorce...a lot of kids feel guilty after divorce and think things like "maybe if I did this different...maybe if I was nicer...etc." And it's important for you to hear it from your parents that it is not your fault.
Your mother and father love you and only want what is best for you. If they felt they needed to divorce, it's important that you realize that it had nothing to do with YOU. In fact, they probably divorced believing it would be BETTER for you.
Another thing that might be helpful is for you to find a friend that's also been through a divorce. Sometimes it helps just to have someone to talk to that understands. I don't know who you are, but if you know Zach's gf - Becka, I'd recommend you talk to her. She's been through a divorce and she's always happy to help and she's a great listener.
I hope you find the peace you need in your situation. It breaks my heart to see any young person be sad. This is the greatest time in your life. I hope this helps. Let me know how you feel after you talk to your parents.
Live, Love, Laugh...Mrs S
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